Long Overdue Update

Sometimes no news IS good news. It has been just under 20 months since my last post. While the day-to-day progress has been inching along, it has been amazing the progress that has been made over the last year and a half.

Freshman in College Now!

When choosing a college, there were two top choices that were fairly equal. One was a major university near our home and the other a 2 hour car-ride away where Colin's middle brother attends. He ended up deciding on going to school with his brother.

Colin is residing in the Honors dorm, and decided to go the random roommate route. We were a bit concerned how this would go. His roommate is the polar opposite in politics and a bit passive-aggressive.Colin is taking this in stride and both boys are avoiding conflict.

The first semester went extremely well! Colin made the varsity E-sports team, and seems to have found his tribe. He also made Dean's List with a challenging set of classes that included Organic Chemistry. While we rarely hear from him unless he needs something, it has been comforting for us to have his brother nearby to keep an eye-out.

So far, so good!

New Home

 Just over a year ago, we moved into a new custom home designed to be quiet.

During Colin's senior year in high school, he had his own room on the 1st floor with no room above. We have the refrigerator in the insulated pantry as well as an insulated laundry room. Couple that with the older boys away at school and getting his driver's license, the sense of freedom must have been intoxicating.

We have no idea where he was with his trigger sounds, having more control over his environment could only have helped.

Spring Break

Colin and his middle-brother were just home for Spring Break. He turned 18 right before break and we were able to celebrate a little late. He did not want much for his birthday, other than a new gaming mouse and a few minor things for his computer and was extremely appreciative.

The day before the boys left to go back, I took Colin to our local Botanical Conservatory to photograph flowers and butterflies. Afterwards we grabbed a bite to eat. It warmed my heart to be able to spend quality time with my son. Almost like old times. I will treasure this memory.

Work-In-Progress?

I am not sure how much more progress is left to go. We still do not discuss "that year" where we bottomed out.

I am amazed how far my son has come. He has matured and does not show signs of his sound issues. We believe his gaming habit has helped change his brain and have no idea what triggers might be left.

Who knows what the future holds?  I am living in the moment and soaking up and savoring all the "normalcy" that I can.

At the moment life is good.  I guess we will always be a "work-in-progress"!

It Was A Day Like Any Other

"It was a day like any other, except it wasn't"

 This is the first line of Colin's college application essay that he is working on. Today was the last day of a week-long college application workshop at his high school of which a well-written essay is a critical portion. I was on pick-up duty.

As Colin got settled in the passenger seat, he was eager to read to me, what he has written so far. After the first sentence he paused, waiting for my response. I asked what the topic was. The prompt he used had to do with how he developed as a leader in High School.

 Overcoming Obstacles

Earlier this month, my husband took our son, a rising high school senior to a college talk at his school. Afterwards, my husband was chatting with my son's guidance counselor. Essays are an important part of the application process and the counselor thought our son should write about his challenges with sound issues. He asked permission to speak with our son about this.

We were concerned about how the subject would be approached as we did not want to cause any set backs. Colin has been clear upon coming back home, we were not to discuss his sound issues. We sent an email warning the counselor to proceed with caution  We were prepared that our son, the master of deflection, would avoid this topic. However, I was intrigued with the possibility that he might be open to using this to his advantage. Colin has made such remarkable progress over the last three years, I yearn for some insights as to how this has happened; something I might be able to share with other parents of children with "Select Sound Sensitivities".

The Guidance Counselor assured us he would not mention anything specific that he would not have readily known about our son without us telling him. He would speak in the most general of terms.

Clearly This Was Not To Be

Unfortunately this is not the break we had hoped for. It is clear Colin is going for a generic essay. One that will be unremarkable, unoriginal and will not reveal the mystery of how he has overcome a personal setback.
I was a bit disappointed  but not surprised.

I offered my advice of avoiding superfluous verbiage. I went on to suggest that he could talk about being the youngest of three boys where everyone wanted to be the leader. Before I could continue, he cut me off.

He was indignant and angrily informed me that he was not going to write about family. He does not consider his brothers or his parents family and as far as he is concerned he has no family. I'd be lying if his words did not sting a little. I had hope we were further along the road to reconciliation. I immediately fell silent.

After a short while he began to read the first paragraph to me. While I still feel there needs to be a stronger opening sentence, the rest of what he had so far was not bad. It was just not the original story that needed to be told. One that would reveal the true Colin. A little transparency and honesty goes a long way.

When he was finished, I continued to be mute. Perhaps my angry silence and lack of response would send a message. One thing is clear, my son still holds a lot of resentment and is far from taking ownership of his issues.

We continue to be a Work-In-Progress!

The Need to Know versus The Want to Know

The last few weeks have been a flurry of activity. This week is Colin's Spring Break. Last week was my middle-son's time home and the week before that was eldest son's break. We also had family come in for visits. While I think Colin was glad to have his brothers home, it may have gotten a bit overwhelming at times.

I noticed one evening when Colin shushed me, he was slightly more agitated than normal. I stopped talking but eldest continued to chat with me. Colin knows better than to shush his oldest brother as he is not as accommodating as Dad and me. Instead Colin disappeared down to his room.

I later asked Eldest if he thought that Dad and my voices were triggers for his baby brother. He seemed to shrug it off and advised to treat Colin normally. He also added that we need to keep questions to a minimum as it gets annoying. Apparently Dad and I have memory issues and it bothers Eldest that we ask about things we have already been told.

It made me feel better that my oldest boy did not seem to notice anything alarming. I have been trying hard to minimize conversations with Colin. He seems to do best when I listen and occasionally have short responses devoid of advice; just to let him vent.

I have so many questions that I'd love to ask my son but have tried to show restraint. It is important to balance the "Need" to know versus the "Want".

I keep telling myself that all will be revealed in good time.

As always we are a work-in-progress!

Sweet Sixteen

Today Colin turns 16.  As if it is not hard enough to wake up on a Monday,  Daylight Saving Time made it more difficult. I was up at 6:00 a.m., fed the dog and tried to wake Colin at 6:20. I found him still in his dress clothes from Sunday, on the family room couch and not responding to my birthday and wake up greetings. I had told Colin if he could get up early enough, I would take him to Tim Horton's, however I could see this was not an option.

Before I ran out the door, I told Colin that it was time to start waking up and that I would be back soon. When I came back with a dozen donuts, he was still in the fetal position and unfazed by his dog's barking.
It took at least five attempts to get him up.

As I finished getting ready, packed his lunch and mine, I warned him that we needed to leave soon. He looked at me and asked if he could stay home to catch up on some projects. Yesterday afternoon, he had asked the same favor. We had a swim team awards banquet and were leaving the parking lot when I asked him about his birthday. Dad wanted to get Colin new head phones and I felt it was best to ask before buying. Colin wanted to wait for a gift but asked if he could stay home instead. I asked if he had homework to catch up on but he said "Not really. I just have some projects I want to work on".

We had let him skip school two weeks ago when he had a Math Club competition he spent all day from 8:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. Sunday at a group member's house. We were not going to make this a habit.

When he asked this morning, I turned to Dad to let him field this one.

"NO!" Hubs said in a firm, and loud voice. " When I stopped by your room last night to tell you I was going to bed, at was 11:00 and you were still gaming. That should have been your signal to stop".

Colin replied that he did not tell him. Dad responded that he needs to take responsibility for his work and grades. Colin then finished getting ready for school, realizing that staying home was not an option.

An Uneasy Silence

I was completely mute from the time we got into the car, all the way to school. I so wanted to lecture my son but knew it would not be helpful. This is a problem he needs to take ownership of .

I was not happy that Colin wasted his time playing video games and thought we'd let him stay home. I am concerned that he has slipped and is having some difficulty in getting back up. His grades are still Honor Roll status but not above a 4.0 as it had been. His time management skills are seriously lacking.

In other news, on Saturday, Colin took the SATs and felt he did really well. Eldest came home for Spring Break that day as well. This coming weekend, we have family coming in and Middle-son comes home for his break.

Last weekend we also got together with family. My brother and sister-in-law came in from Chicago to visit their daughter. We had dinner with the three of them and my sister, her youngest son and her husband. They had not seen Colin for a while and were impressed with how much he has grown. It was nice to see Colin interact with his cousins. Nice to have a normal night out.

While there are a few minor bumps in the road, the future still looks bright for Colin. He is focused on trying to get into a good college. Hopefully he gets back on track with his school work.

As always.... we are a work-in-progress!

Moment of Gratitude

It took 5 attempts to finally wake Colin up this morning. We were running late and he did not have time to waste.

After I was ready to go,  I yelled down to Colin to see if he was almost ready. He yelled up that he was working on something and it would be a minute. I cleaned up a few things in the kitchen, packed his lunch and went down to check on what was taking him so long.

Much to my dismay he was still in his t-shirt and shorts and working on his computer. He glared at me as I told him we would be late.


I should have been angry. The old me would have lectured him. I most certainly would have with his brothers. Instead when he finally was ready to go, I took a deep breath and exhaled. Things are not that bad.
In fact much to be grateful for.

1. Colin slept in his eldest brother's bed. This has become a more regular event lately.
2. Colin lets me pack his lunch. I typically do this most mornings now. There was a time 3 years ago when he would not eat anything I touched. Now he seems to welcome the help.
3. We got to school on time (barely)
4. Our relationship is slowly improving. Last night he even showed me a slide program assignment for his English class. While the work it self was not that remarkable, I was impressed that he wanted to share with me.

As always we are a work-in-progress... and have much to be grateful for!

Interim Report

Every two weeks Colin's high school sends out an email Interim Grade Report. This gives the parents and students a chance to track progress during the grading period. Each time the email arrives in my inbox, I hold my breath. Up until Christmas break, Colin was able to maintain above a 4.0 thanks to the heavy load of AP classes which give him a .5 point boost.

The cracks are beginning to show but fortunately nothing serious yet.

The first report of this year he dropped to a 3.56 GPA due mainly to Latin and English classes. This can be chalked up to the rigors of Swim Team and less-than-ideal time-management. Fortunately the swim season is pretty much over for Colin other than a few warm down practices left.

Yesterday the third report of this grading period came in. While Colin has been bit by bit bringing his average up to a 3.89, three teachers made the same disconcerting comment.

Sleeps In Class

This report was forwarded to me by my husband with a note to Colin:

There is nothing which angers a teacher like sleeping in class.  You have 3 teachers complaining!

Time to turn off the gaming,  and getting to bed by midnight.

Dad

 The warning signs we were watching for are starting to appear. Last night Dad warned that he may be turning off the internet at night. I am not sure if this registered with Colin. Currently he is trying to get over a cold. His sleep schedule has not yet changed much. After coming home from school, he falls asleep in the bathroom while getting ready for a shower. He can sleep for several hours before getting showered and having a late night dinner and then retreating to his room. We have not been watching how he spends his time but I have been told recently by Colin that he is not up on school nights gaming. (just on weekends).

The kid does have a lot on his plate. He took the ACTs this Saturday while battling his cold. Having allergies to the dog has not helped. Colin also just started a Math Club at his school with the goal of competing in the American Math Competition. He is hoping this helps his chances in getting into a good college.

To this end, Colin had debated about getting a doctor's note for the extended-time version of the ACT but decided against it. He mentioned trying to get a diagnosis for ADHD. He allusively referenced his sound issues by saying "The original reason" would not work. I was not able to gently prod him into talking about his sound sensitivities but got the impression that this was not the reason for wanting more time. Colin found out that if he chose to take the extended-time test, it would not be noted on his transcripts. His main goal is to get into a more prestigious university than his brothers.

This coming Monday, we will be making our first college visit to such a college that is 2 hours from our home. Should be interesting!

As always.... we are a work-in-progress!

And Then There Was One

Yesterday morning I found a text from Colin on my phone:

"Pfffffff. Being the only child in this house is like having a swimming lane to yourself. Have fun in college, I will be making my way through high school"

 Colin had sent this message to his brothers Monday night. His middle-brother went back to school on Sunday, leaving him as the only child at home.

The Last Supper ( before middle-son went back to school )

Saturday night hubs and I took Colin and his brother out for a nice dinner. It is a tradition to take our boys out for a meal before they go back to school. The guest of honor picked one of our favorite Italian restaurants. We had a lovely meal and everyone was in a great mood.

When dinner was over and we were waiting for the check, Colin started to collect the dishes around him and stack them.  As he started to stack the glasses, both middle-son and I told Colin to stop as it was unnecessary and they might get stuck.

I pointed out the irony that he never clears his plates at home but somehow is able to do this in a restaurant. To which Colin replied, " well then I'd be helping YOU." with a smirk on his face. I responded with an "Ouch! That hurt!"  Hopefully it was all in jest. On the way home, I did mention that I was still hurt. It was our joke of the evening.

Back at home when the boys were out of earshot, both hubs and I remarked that this was the best dinner in years. Colin has come a long way and things are feeling normal again.


As always..... We are a work-in-progress!

 

Happy 2017

The holidays have come and gone. Eldest went back to school yesterday while middle-son has a few more weeks at home. Colin has been back at school for a week and we are continuing our routine. Today was another early morning where I dropped Colin off at his 6:15 a.m. swim practice.

Colin had been sleeping on the family room couch but his allergies to the dog have been getting worse. I'm not sure if this is partially due to a cold but decided to use this as an opportunity to get him into a bed. Over break he started to use the bed in the loft. After eldest left last night, I washed his sheets and told Colin he could use his brother's room. I was happy to see him take me up on the offer.

This morning seemed to go pretty smoothly between getting Colin up on time, packed up and to his practice with a minute to spare. I am hoping this trend continues.

Boring is Good

Christmas eve we had dinner at my sister-in-law's. It was a nice, calm, evening with no drama. The sort of affair that my son would call boring. In my book that is Success! Christmas Day was another calm, quiet affair. It was nice having all my boys home. They seemed to get along, although much time was spent with each of them in their rooms doing their own thing.

Eldest was able to take his brother to swim practices where he also participated. Middle-son pitched in and helped with some of the driving. He also took his baby brother out for dinner one night to try out a new pizza place. They also bought a few new video games.

The two concerns that I have are 1. Colin seems to have developed a series of rashes that the doctor thinks is a bacterial infection. Colin now has ointments to apply and we are hoping that things don't get worse as the swim season continues. 2. The amount of time Colin spends video gaming is a bit more than I feel is prudent. This seems to create some late night study sessions due to poor time management but unfortunately this is something Colin will have to figure out on his own. Luckily he has still been able to maintain over a 4.0 due to all of his A.P. classes.

On the Horizon

Two issues looming over the rest of this year. 1. Driver's Ed & Learner's Permit. 2. College Visits

Colin will be 16 in a few months and is ready to start driving lessons. I am leaving this up to his dad as I am too nervous to do this. He also wants to start planning college visits and has mentioned Chicago as one of the cities he wants to go to. We have not taken any long car trips or airplane rides since he was 12 years old and our journey with Misophonia was in full swing.

This should be some interesting territory to navigate!

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

Good Weekend

The progress continues. It seems like very slowly, our relationship with Colin is improving. While day by day the change is barely perceptible, looking back three years, we have achieved what we once feared not possible. Our new normal is not too far off from plain old normal!

Middle son came home for the weekend. Colin's mood seemed to brighten.On Friday, I took my college freshman with me to pick up his baby brother from school. As Colin approached the car, he seemed giddy with excitement. Next stop was to pick up the dog from daycare. I was beyond thrilled to listen to the boys chatter away. It gave me a chance to gather some "intel".

Life is good!

There was a flurry of activity over the weekend and Saturday night we watched a movie together, (Heathers), followed by Saturday Night Live.

We continue to try to be as hands-off with Colin as possible other than trying to help keep him on track with getting to school and activities. While the majority of his behavior is fairly normal, a few "quirks" remain. Colin still prefers riding in the back seat of my van. He continues to keep an irregular sleep schedule, falls asleep either on the family room couch or the couch in his basement room and often sleeps in his school clothes.

School continues to go fairly well other than his Latin 3 class which is threatening to bring his GPA below a 4.0. Fortunately he seems motivated to try to fix that. The other area of concern is Swim Team which recently started up again. Colin has already skipped a few practices due to school work and other activities. He may be in danger of not being able to participate in meets if he is not attending 85% of his workouts. School comes first and we support Colin on doing whatever it takes to keep his head above water. Colin for his part wants to swim to stay in shape and seems willing to accept the consequences.

As always..... We are a work-in-progress!

Good Discussion

This morning was another late start. It was raining and I started my routine a little later. At 6:45 as I was about to wake Colin, he sat up suddenly and for once, I did not have to wake him. The usual time to try to tell him to get up is around 6:15 - 6:30 unless Colin has to be at school early.

We arrived pretty much on time. Colin asked me to hold off on opening the door so he could pack up and put his shoes on. He asked what time it was.

"Eight O'clock" I answered.

"Damn it Mom, I need to get to school earlier".

I asked whose fault that was and was told it was mine; I needed to wake him. We had a back and forth about how many times it takes me to try before he finally wakes up. I told him that he needs to use an alarm clock and take responsibility.

This was one of our longer discussions. One where I was NOT told to "Shut Up". I pulled away and was amazed how calm I was. Not a hint of anger. Any other boy I would have been fuming. Instead I felt this was a bit of progress. Colin and I had a "normal" argument.


We are a work-in-progress!

Full Circle

Life has been relatively calm and on an even keel. I have started to make a concerted effort to clean my office at work and my papers at home. As I dig through papers, I am constantly finding reminders of our lives from three years ago, when our journey with Misophonia had started.

Progress has been slow but steady. I often forget how far we have come. Our relationship with Colin has been much improved but not perfect; not too far off from comparison with his older brothers. It is difficult to separate normal teen angst from annoyance to select stimuli. Our son is adept at hiding any reactions to triggers so it is hard to know what sounds bother him and to what extent.

I will take this as a good sign!

 Time

 One of the most poignant symbols of the not-too-distant past is the clock that is pictured above.

I was cleaning the living room and wanted to give the chair and couch, that we keep covered in sheets for the dog, a good vacuum. I removed the cushions of the chair and low and behold found my clock that was tucked away. Colin used to hide this (formerly) ticking clock all the time. We believe this was among his earliest trigger sounds. Even with it's batteries removed, someone found the need to tuck it away.

New Issue

For much of the past year, Colin seemed to have been suffering from a never-ending case of the sniffles. This has continued even after his surgery. Dad took him to an ENT for allergy testing. Low and behold his biggest issue seems to be "Dog" as well as Ragweed and Weeds.

Colin has allergy medications to help but he has been reluctant to take them. When I asked him how he feels about this new issue, he replied, "...It's worth it!"

 Hopefully love conquers all!





As always..... We are a work-in-progress!

More Like a "We" Problem

8/25/16 : The last couple of weeks have been a flurry of activity. As the summer break was coming to an end, Colin has stepped up his game with Trombone Lessons,  starting work as a Life Guard and continuing with Cross Country Running practices. His middle-brother was extremely helpful in driving him to his lessons and to work. Eldest has pitched in as well.

This past weekend was especially action-packed. My brother was in town to celebrate his 50th Birthday and my sister's house was a hub of activity. On Sunday, we drove our middle-son to college. After a long day of getting him settled, hubs and I came back home in time to feed the dog his dinner and to throw a load of laundry in. On my way to the washing machine, I noticed Colin's door was open and I veered off course to peer into his room. He was at his computer playing a video game. He heard me and turned to greet me with a squinty-eye glare.

"Get out!" he warned, followed by a preemptive "Shut-Up" before I uttered a word.

I turned and continued to the laundry area. I knew better than to try to engage. I know better than to try to talk to my son when he is gaming. It had been a long day for him as well he had worked from 9 am - 3 pm and it appeared he had been unwinding for a few hours. I decided to leave him be for a bit.

Before I was going to get ready for bed, I went back down to talk to Colin. I wanted to make sure he had one more trombone lesson left as I was the one who needed to take him. He tried to "Shush" me away but I was persistent. He grumpily answered my question about whether he had a lesson.He told me it was implied. The teacher left it up to Colin . I asked if he wanted to go and he gave me a terse "Sure". I then tried to explain that I would be on a tight schedule and it was important that we get the schedule planned out.

"Sounds like a "You" problem", Colin sneered.

I shook my head and chuckled at his insolence. "More like a "We" problem" I said under my breath. I retreated back upstairs and went to bed.

It Takes a Village

Puppy misses you.

It's been a few weeks since I started this post. Middle-son is now in his freshman year at a university that is 2 hours away. Eldest is home for the semester working at his first co-op job and in his sophomore year of college. Just before middle-son left for school, we had a nice heart-to-heart chat. He confided that he was concerned how his little brother would do by the time his middle-brother left for school. We both are pleased that Colin has exceeded our expectations.

Not only have we been able to peacefully co-exist, but there has been much improvement in our relationships. Colin seems to have repaired his relationship with his middle-bother. He also looks up to both brothers. Before Labor Day weekend, he emailed this photo to his brother as part of a campaign to "guilt" his brother into coming home for the long weekend. (Which he did ). Colin had sent me the same photo a few weeks before when he was unable to hang out at my sister's house when my brother came in for a visit.

Eldest is currently working across town and passes by Colin's school. He has helped with a lot of the driving. This takes much stress off my shoulders. It also gives the boys some "together time".

When we started our journey 3 years ago, I feared our family was being torn apart. Instead this experience taught us how to work together as a family. Ditto for my relationship with my sister. It strengthened our bond and I owe her big-time. Life has not been perfect but confirms what Nietzsche has famously said. While the adventure is far from over, we are all stronger for our experiences so far, thanks to our "We Problem"..

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

Sunglasses at Night

Last night I took Colin and his middle-brother out for ice cream (fro-yo). I wanted to reward my 18 year-old for taking his younger brother to his first trombone lesson of the summer. Colin thinks he has a good chance at 1st chair in jazz band this coming year and wants to be up to the task.

I found a teacher across town that was willing to work with my son until school starts back up. Monday is the best day as the Country Club where my 18 year old works is closed that day and will save me from that duty for a few weeks.

Colin seemed to like the instructor and is interested in continuing lessons for the next several weeks. I am more than happy to do what I can to encourage this positive endeavor.

When I offered to take his brother out, I told him to see if Colin wanted to come as well. And he jumped at the chance. As we left the house, I noticed that Colin was wearing his glasses and quickly snapped on the magnetic sunglass component. I wanted to sing "I wear my sunglasses at night" but refrained. It was dusk and no real need for this other than to try to conceal his identity. The frozen yogurt shop that middle-son chose was close to our home and a hangout for local teens. I am assuming the stigma of a few years ago still exists and Colin did not want to be recognized by former classmates.

Thankfully there were no awkward encounters. Afterwards we stopped at the grocery store for a few things. Colin asked if he could get a pack of gum. I responded, "Sure! You can pay me back when you start working!"

He flashed a smile my way and handed me his pack to purchase.

If all goes well, in another week or so, Colin will start work as a lifeguard at the same club middle-brother works at. His middle-brother convinced the supervisor to bend the rules to allow a 15 year-old to start near the end of this season. This way Colin would be trained for next year and can help cover hours as several guards leave for college.

We have the paperwork completed and ready to turn into the High School office so that he will have the proper work permit.

With a future so bright, I can indeed see why my son is wearing sunglasses at night!

We are a work-in-progress!

About Last Night

Last night I was asked by my husband to take Colin to a presentation by Johns Hopkins University as he had to work late. When I arrived home from work, I fed the dog and asked Colin about the event. He was concerned that he was not signed up and wasn't sure if he was interested in the school. I ended up convincing him we should go.

When we arrived at our destination, I was encouraged that the parking lot was not crowded. I told Colin that I doubted we would get turned away but if we did, I would take him to dinner. As we approach the door, Colin's guidance counselor greeted him and asked how his brother was doing. I told him that the casts were removed and he is healing up nicely. Colin expressed concern about failing to register for this talk and was ushered in with a smile and assurances that this was fine.

I let Colin choose where we sat. He picked some seats near the doorway. This was his first college presentation and I was interested to see how he would react. I took a few notes while Colin seemed to be attentively listening. At one point he glanced at my notebook and grabbed the pen out of my hands. He quickly scribbled an "s" after John. Duh! It's Johns Hopkins not John....

Kid does not miss a trick!

Dinner Out

On the way home, I asked Colin about picking up some dinner. He was very agreeable. He seemed to be in a decent mood and a bit chatty. I can't remember how we got on the topic, but he mentioned about all the time he had built up on one of his games (Fall Out?). He mentioned that it was over 1,000 hours and that it is measured in two week intervals. Recently he had over 50 hours per week!!! When I feigned surprise ( I already knew this from keeping tabs) and said, " Wow! That is a lot of time! That's like a full time job!" He assured me that it was not as bad as it looked. Much of that time he was logged in but not playing. He was either waiting for a game to load or occupied with something else.

I asked about restaurants and we ended up agreeing to eat at Bob Evans near our home. I thought it might be nice to invite the other boys so I put a call into my eldest. He said he'd be up for it but changed the dinner to another place. One of our favorite pubs has "All You Can Eat Shrimp" on Wednesdays.

We had a lovely dinner and lively conversation. And best of all, not one "shush" from Colin. As we left to go home my elder boys, who drove together, decided to hang out in the area to go "Pokemon Hunting" while Colin and I left for home. We had a good chuckle watching all the "zombies with cell phones" trying to capture mythical creatures.

Oh wait, now I remember, the conversation about gaming came AFTER dinner.

A Few Other Tidbits

We recently bought a new-used car. It is a 2 year old Chrysler with all the safety bells and whistles. Colin mentioned that he would prefer that he learn to drive on our old mini van. This way if he had an accident, it would not be as devastating.

Not sure how I feel about that!
_________________________________



The last two nights Colin has gone to bed (sofa) at a decent hour and in his basement room. He had been sleeping on the couch in the family room to avoid bugs in the basement; an unfortunate hazard that is to be expected. I also noticed that lately he had been wearing a green knit cap that reminded me of Mike Nesmith of the Monkees. I did not give that much thought.

Last night my husband told me a funny story about the day before. Colin had his follow up visit to the ENT doctor to see how he was doing after the surgery. Dad mentioned that his son was concerned about his scars and is wearing a cap to hide his ears.

Colin was irritated and spoke up. "That's not why I wear it!!!"  he blurted out. "It's to protect against the spiders!"

The nurse had a puzzled look on her face and Hubs had to hold in his amusement. Now it all made sense. He wanted to sleep in his room and was worried about spiders getting in his hair. Love these "Ah-Ha Moments"!

As always.... We are a work-in-progress!

Holiday Weekend

It seems like Colin has been in a better mood since his ear surgery. We are still subject to shushes but they seem a little less frequent. It also seems like we are able to get longer threads of conversation with our son.
Both my husband and I wonder if this is due in part to a successful ear surgery to remove excess tissues in the ear sinus, as well as to close up to hole he's had since birth
.

The purpose of the procedure was to eliminate a source of constant infection. While we don't believe that the pit was a direct cause of Colin's sound issues, we think that by cutting down on infection-causing bacteria in the ear sinus cavity, his symptoms may be reduced. I asked my middle-son if he noticed a difference and he did but attributed it to a different set of factors: Colin was happy to have the summer free for activities and was excited about the possibility of working. Either way works for me!

Unfortunately due to the fact we are unable to discuss his sound sensitivities, we have no way of knowing for sure.

Making Strides

Cross Country team practices started right after Colin's surgery. It seems like his days are back on schedule. He needs to be at his school by 9:00 a.m. and I have been doing most of the shuttling. On one of these trips, I noticed that there was a community pool just a block from the High School. Colin is anxious to find a life guard job. We found out that there may be an opening in late July / early August when college students start to go off to school. He dropped off an application.

In addition to running, he is working on a study guide for Biology based on a book and coursework from this past school year. He plans to market it to fellow students. Colin is also working on Calculus notes for his NHS service project where he plans to be a tutor.

I am relieved that Colin has some activities other than video games to occupy his time this summer.

He will be taking a one week Summer Gym class and is looking into trombone lessons.

Independence Day

The family of one of my middle-son's friends has an annual party on July 3rd. Colin has not gone for the last several years due mostly to not wanting to run into kids from his old school. I was surprised and delighted when he decided to attend with his brothers this year. Colin realized the only people he would know would be his brother's friends.

I socialized with the adults while my boys disappeared into the house. As the party was beginning to wind down, I went in to find the boys.  Colin was playing cards with his middle-brother and three other boys. It did my heart good to see him laughing and having a great time.  They made me stay for another 30 minutes while the finished their game. I gratefully obliged.

On the way out to our car, I noticed a camaraderie between the boys that has been rare to see these past few years. I also noticed that Colin has grown another inch or so and is now about my height.

My heart was filled with joy!

Time Keep Flying By!

I started this post a week ago and am happy to report that we are still on track. Sunday we went to dinner as a family at a nearby pub. Earlier that day I took the boys to Walmart to buy canvases and paints for Colin and his middle brother. Inspired by seeing his middle-brother's artwork from the past school year, Colin decided he wanted to paint as well. Mostly this is due to a competitive streak and thinking he can do a better job than his talented brother.

I can't wait to see what the rest of the summer holds. I am savoring every bit of normalcy as no one knows what the future holds. I will remain hopeful!

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

Life In Pictures

This past weekend was the NYC premier of "Quiet Please", a documentary of living with Misophonia by Jeffrey Gould. I wanted to attend but the cost and timing were less than ideal. So many of my virtual friends whom I have bonded with over this disorder were there. I had to settle for combing through FaceBook posts and photos to get glimpses of the weekend. The reviews were glowing and I can't wait to get my copy of the movie. The only complaint I heard about the weekend was there was not enough time to visit with everyone. That's what happens when there is so much awesomeness in one place. Everyone was left wanting more!

Action-packed Month

It has been a few weeks since my last post. The time has been action-packed.
 

Right before Memorial Day Weekend, my middle-son slipped and fell during a game of kickball at school. He fell backwards and tried to catch himself resulting in two broken wrists. While middle-brother was in the hospital waiting to have surgery to put a metal-plate and pins in one of the wrists,  Colin and his eldest brother had a dinner-dance fundraiser for the High School Jazz band they were to perform in; Colin on trombone, his brother on trumpet. Hubs stayed at the hospital while I went with the boys.

Through the wonders of technology, I was able to keep up with the surgery via texts while enjoying the dinner and band. Colin seemed to be in a good mood. He likes performing and was happy to have his eldest brother back from college. Colin also seemed to not mind ( dare I day enjoy) having his injured brother help put him in the center of attention as the group was buzzing about the medical drama.

Next came middle-son's High School graduation. This year we made sure to get to school early so we could get good seats. Last year, although we were on time, we were forced to watch from the 2nd floor balcony for eldest's  ceremony. Colin was a bit restless so I asked if he would like to use my camera to take pictures. He jumped at the chance and took over 100 photographs! It made my heart happy to see my son still had his passion for photography.

Over this past weekend, Colin borrowed the disc from my camera to download and edit some of the pictures. I was able to sit nearby and was asked for my opinion on some of the edits. It almost felt like old times, before Misophonia damaged our relationship. I live for times like this.

Picture me with a smile on my face! 

More Surgery

Colin had his finals the week after his brother's graduation. When he was done, at the end of the week, he had surgery on his ear to close up the hole.  I was a bit concerned due to his wonky sleep schedule. Days and nights were almost completely reversed. Colin was playing video games until 5 or 6 in the morning and then going to sleep for most (if no all) of the day.

The day of his surgery, Colin did not get to sleep until between 5:30 - 6:00 a.m. and had to get up by 10:30 a.m. to go to the hospital. His surgery was around 2:00 and went relatively well. The only real issue came when it was time to wake up to go home. The nurses had a hard time waking Colin up. He was the last surgery of the day and they wanted to go home; a groggy Colin was not in such a hurry.

While recovery was fairly speedy, Colin decided to skip his brother's graduation party the next day. He was worried that there would be some guests that he went to middle-school with. Colin still has much shame and embarrassment from the year he abruptly left to live with his aunt and transfer to a school close to her home.

At least he had a good excuse to stay home and take care of the dog.

Starting the Summer Off on The Right Foot

Cross Country practice has started and Colin seems to have gotten his sleep schedule back on track. I had mentioned to him last week that I was concerned how he would be able to manage working, going to practice and perhaps taking a class or two. (Summer Gym and Trombone lessons).

My son told me that I should not be concerned and that soon his days would be back on track. It looks like he was correct. Monday morning, Colin was up and ready to go to practice. Unfortunately the lifeguard job he thought was lined up, was no longer open by the time he emailed the aquatics director over the weekend.

Fortunately this was not a setback for Colin. He said that this would open up his time for other activities and his middle-brother told him he would try to get Colin a job at his pool in late July when kids start going back to College.

I also checked into a pool that is close to his High School. They take guards at age 15 but all positions are filled at the moment. I was advised to have Colin put an application on file in case things open up in a month or so. I emailed a link to my son.

It seems like things will all work out.

As always..... we are a work-in-progress!

Found My Purpose

This morning, after being shushed just minutes earlier, I was summoned by Colin.

"Mom, there's a bug in my room!".

I waited a minute or so to respond and then asked the obvious.

"Do you want me to get it?"

After being given coordinates (on the floor, directly below the light switch). I went down with a couple of sheets of toilet paper in hand. I found the tiniest of spiders curled up in a ball and picked it up. I showed my find to my son who flinched and backed away as he nodded in the affirmative. 

I guess I have found my purpose in life!

The Joy of Listening

Having my son vent to me about others has been another job I take pride in. The upside to Colin having issues is when he vents to me about them. The trick is to mostly listen and not to try to offer up solutions, although the "mom" in me can't help making a few suggestions.

A few weeks ago, my son told me about a group project for science. The assignment was for each group to make a video related to biodiversity or a similar topic based on ecology. Colin mentioned that two boys that he would not normally have picked as teammates, asked to be in his group. They were not the best of students but my son felt they seemed nice enough and would make an honest attempt at pitching in with the work. I had a not so good feeling about this.

The first week of the project, Colin was beginning to be concerned. He was worried that the other two boys were in no hurry to get started. He had a difficult time getting meetings set up and there appeared to be some "artistic" differences. Most of Colin's ideas were being rejected and the other boys' ideas were a bit off-topic. It was clear they had not done the required reading.

There was a section where my son wanted to do a Steve Irwin bit and needed a hat and clothing to look like an Australian wildlife expert. I was able to pick up a few things at Walmart while helping my middle-son with finding envelopes for his graduation invitations. I also loaned my tripod and helped with a few props. 

The reward was being able to hear about his presentation and being allowed to watch the video in his room.

I was surprised and delighted to see my name in the credits. When I asked about that, he told me that the other boys' moms did nothing to help. He also gave credit to his middle-brother who helped not only with ideas but appeared in the video as his acting skills were needed.

It was clear as I watched the other two boys fumble through their lines, that Colin was clearly the one who did the majority of the work. Colin was more than a little pissed-off at one of the boys. It got back to Colin that this teammate was bad-mouthing him around school. He was also claiming to be the brains of the group, although Colin's friends say that the boy was clearly joking. Unfortunately my son did not think the boy was joking and was not amused.

In the credits, Colin listed himself as the producer, the writer, the directer and that he did all the work! The other boys were given credit as actors and teammates, although both roles were small.

There were a few life-lessons for everyone. For the lazy students, they will think twice before ever wanting to work with Colin again. My son might seem nice and congenial but in reality he is a control-freak who will exact revenge for those who try to take unfair advantage. The lesson for Colin is to be a bit smarter in choosing future groups.

I am trying to keep my distance and let Colin work through this situation. He still is planing to talk to the teacher to make sure he knows how little the other boys did, especially the more difficult of the two. Colin does not think the boys should get the same grade as him. He is also upset as he feels that if he had a different group, the project could have been so much better. The scores have not been handed out yet, but I thought it was a solid effort and should be at least a B+. Colin has a 95% before this grade so he should remain an A. The other boys have Cs & Ds  and should only be helped.

Should be interesting to see how this plays out.....

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

Every Day Is Mother's Day

This past Mother's Day Weekend went by quickly and was largely uneventful. Colin is continuing on his all-day sleeping and staying up all night. These are the highlights from the past week:

• On Thursday night, Colin passed his Lifeguard Training. His dad went to pick him up and spoke with the teacher. Our son aced the written exam but his instructor felt he could benefit from another session to fine-tune his teamwork skills. There were only five people in his class and pairing up with a partner had to be rotated. I also can't help but wonder if part of Colin's "wiring issues" make it more difficult to work with others. Colin plans to go to an extra session at the end of the month 

• Colin has been battling a nasty head-cold for a while. On days where he does not get enough sleep his symptoms seem to worsen. Although he started to improve over the weekend, he decided to skip his Ultimate Frisbee Team's tournament on Sunday. One of the school teams involved had players that Colin went to middle school with. He decided to skip the meet with the excuse of being sick, although he did tell his dad and eldest brother the real reason was due to not wanting to see boys from his past. While I understand he still is ashamed of the year he left school abruptly to live with his aunt, I had hoped he would be able to have moved on by now. he just does not want to have to explain.

• Sunday night, we celebrated Mother's Day with Chinese take-out. At this point in my life, I am grateful for a quiet family dinner. That was enough of a gift.

• Monday night when I picked Colin up from school, he was a bit chattier than usual. He is in the midst of a group project for science and having some issues. The other two boys in his group, are not classmates he would have chosen to work with but they seemed eager to be in his group. Colin decided against his better judgement to accept them as group mates for a video project. I believe the combination of two less-than-stellar students and an above-average control-freak makes for a volatile situation. But on the bright side, I appreciate that my son is choosing to open up and vent to me!

As always, we are a work in progress!

Never Enough Hours in a Day

The past month has been a whirlwind of activity. I wish I knew how much sleep Colin is getting and I worry it is not enough. Ultimate Frisbee has replaced swimming for the Spring thus the chauffeuring continues.

Highlights from the past month:

• Colin was inducted into the National Honor Society a few weeks ago. I learned about the event 45 minutes before he had to be at the school. I found out that evening as I was about to pick the dog up from daycare. I was able to fetch the pup and do a quick change and only be 5 minutes late in dropping him off before finding a parking spot. Fortunately there was a 15 minute period before the ceremony and disaster was narrowly averted. On the way home I was told that the reason my son joined this group was so he could do his service project. He wants to tutor other students in Calculus. #proudmommoment
•  Last week Lifeguard Classes started. Thankfully this will be over at the end of the week. I am under the gun to race to the high school, pick up my son and shuttle him to the class by 5:00 p.m. As stressful as this is, I am glad to be able to do this task. I also take a few snacks to my son for the short ride to the pool. This seems to help with his mood.
• Eldest came home on Friday for summer break from his first year at college. Colin seems to look up to his brother and seems glad he is home. 
• Last night on the way to his class, Colin mentioned he needed a study guide for the SAT Biology exam. He apologized for the late notice but needed us to get it that night. I was able to locate a copy at the local B&N bookstore and Dad picked it up. In addition to all his activities, study sessions start tonight for the 2 subject test. He will be the first of my boys to take this exam. My middle-son mentioned that he regretted not doing this as this test is important to get into the top universities. 
• Colin is still on a wonky sleep schedule. When he comes home at night. ( Now 9:30 p.m.) he falls asleep, usually in the bathroom, for several hours. When he wakes up, usually in the wee hours of the morning, he is panicked and frantically will try to catch up on studying and schoolwork. This is a crunch week, with AP tests coming up, his after- school activities and preparing for exams. 
• Occasionally I will perform some internet searches to keep track of Colin's online activity (what is public). I stumbled upon his profile on a gaming site. I am able to view activity over two week periods. One period which one of the weeks fell over Spring Break, my son racked up 103 hours! That is equal to having a full-time job with overtime! He has been gaming approximately 55 hours over the last two weeks which is more like a part-time job but still a bit worrisome. I mentioned this to my eldest who said I should not be concerned. I was told that this is the amount of time logged in and does not indicate hours in play.

Overall, Colin continues to hold steady. Some days are better than others. The routine and concerns remain. I am relieved that my son has maintained a 4.0 and higher throughout the school year. He seems to be focused on his schoolwork and college prep work. While I feel that computer games have been beneficial to my son's coping, I do worry that he is spending too much time online. Time that could be better spent sleeping and resting his brain. Unfortunately, my husband and I have an agreement to continue a hands-off approach as long as the 4.0 GPA remains and he is able to peacefully coexist in our household.

All in all, I continue to be grateful for where Colin is today. Life is not perfect but it is good enough. The trick is to not worry about the future and to focus on the day-to-day. It is also helpful to keep expectations simple. I can live with the daily "shushes" when my son wants quiet. I can even handle infrequent "Shut-up"s. I draw the line at the "rages" from a few years ago and am glad there have been ZERO since Colin has been back from living at his aunt's house.

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

The Pit

Spring break is over. The boys are back to school this week and we are getting back on track with the daily grind. Yesterday morning I awoke to an intermittent beep. I knew right away this was one of our Atomic clocks whose battery was running low. Hubs got up and began the search for the culprit. He started by looking in eldest's room that is currently being used as my husband's top-floor office while our son is away at college.

Quietly my husband motioned for me to follow him as he stopped at the doorway and pointed. There lay Colin, wrapped tightly in his fleece blanket, sleeping in his big brother's bed. This is only the third time I can recall Colin sleeping in a bed since he has been at home. When he was at his aunt's home, he slept on a rug, refusing to use the Murphy Bed.

We let him sleep for a bit until Dad needed to wake him. Colin explained that he was up at 4:00 a.m. and came upstairs to ask his middle-brother for some help with some school work. No surprise, his brother was fast-asleep. Colin decided to crash in the empty bed in his eldest brother's room next door. I am marking this as a bit of progress.

Doctor Visits

During the boys' break, my husband scheduled doctor visits. Colin had his annual check up at the pediatrician. The doctor was impressed with Colin's progress. He has grown a few inches and his demeanor is so much better. One of the areas of concern was a pit at the top part of an ear that Colin has had since birth. This is also known as a preauricular ear pit It fills up with a pus-like substance and sometimes appears infected. (photo below is from web)


Colin was referred to a specialist and willingly went without any hesitation. At the visit to the ENT, the physician recommended surgery to remove the excess tissue and close the opening to the sinus. Faced with the option of having the surgery now versus later when it would most-likely be a much bigger issue, Colin, much to my surprise, decided to schedule the out-patient operation right after school lets out in June.

While I was elated at my son's mature decision, in looking at the paperwork for medical history in the folder my husband brought home, one line caught my eye. It was a short two-word description under "Problem List".

Behavior Disorder

The label that grabbed my attention under "Problem List" was "Behavior Disorder". This sort of thing gets under my skin and I do a slow burn. What irritates me is the random labels used to sum up the trauma our family has faced for the past few years.

This is EXACTLY my problem with illnesses and disorders that fall under the umbrella of "Mental Health". There is no doubt in my mind that the root cause of Colin's issues are neurologically-based. To categorize this as a behavioral problem is a slap in the face.

If someone had a broken leg would that be described as "walking issue" or can't walk right? How about someone that has MS being labled "uncoordinated"? Or Parkinson's as a nervous, shaking ailment????

This is another example of why I have so much disappointment at the state of our mental health care. Despite the fact most of what falls under "Mental Illness" is rooted in a biological cause, the term implies (at least to me) that these issues can be treated simply with talk therapy.

As always..... We are a work-in-progress!