Good Weekend

The progress continues. It seems like very slowly, our relationship with Colin is improving. While day by day the change is barely perceptible, looking back three years, we have achieved what we once feared not possible. Our new normal is not too far off from plain old normal!

Middle son came home for the weekend. Colin's mood seemed to brighten.On Friday, I took my college freshman with me to pick up his baby brother from school. As Colin approached the car, he seemed giddy with excitement. Next stop was to pick up the dog from daycare. I was beyond thrilled to listen to the boys chatter away. It gave me a chance to gather some "intel".

Life is good!

There was a flurry of activity over the weekend and Saturday night we watched a movie together, (Heathers), followed by Saturday Night Live.

We continue to try to be as hands-off with Colin as possible other than trying to help keep him on track with getting to school and activities. While the majority of his behavior is fairly normal, a few "quirks" remain. Colin still prefers riding in the back seat of my van. He continues to keep an irregular sleep schedule, falls asleep either on the family room couch or the couch in his basement room and often sleeps in his school clothes.

School continues to go fairly well other than his Latin 3 class which is threatening to bring his GPA below a 4.0. Fortunately he seems motivated to try to fix that. The other area of concern is Swim Team which recently started up again. Colin has already skipped a few practices due to school work and other activities. He may be in danger of not being able to participate in meets if he is not attending 85% of his workouts. School comes first and we support Colin on doing whatever it takes to keep his head above water. Colin for his part wants to swim to stay in shape and seems willing to accept the consequences.

As always..... We are a work-in-progress!

Good Discussion

This morning was another late start. It was raining and I started my routine a little later. At 6:45 as I was about to wake Colin, he sat up suddenly and for once, I did not have to wake him. The usual time to try to tell him to get up is around 6:15 - 6:30 unless Colin has to be at school early.

We arrived pretty much on time. Colin asked me to hold off on opening the door so he could pack up and put his shoes on. He asked what time it was.

"Eight O'clock" I answered.

"Damn it Mom, I need to get to school earlier".

I asked whose fault that was and was told it was mine; I needed to wake him. We had a back and forth about how many times it takes me to try before he finally wakes up. I told him that he needs to use an alarm clock and take responsibility.

This was one of our longer discussions. One where I was NOT told to "Shut Up". I pulled away and was amazed how calm I was. Not a hint of anger. Any other boy I would have been fuming. Instead I felt this was a bit of progress. Colin and I had a "normal" argument.


We are a work-in-progress!

Full Circle

Life has been relatively calm and on an even keel. I have started to make a concerted effort to clean my office at work and my papers at home. As I dig through papers, I am constantly finding reminders of our lives from three years ago, when our journey with Misophonia had started.

Progress has been slow but steady. I often forget how far we have come. Our relationship with Colin has been much improved but not perfect; not too far off from comparison with his older brothers. It is difficult to separate normal teen angst from annoyance to select stimuli. Our son is adept at hiding any reactions to triggers so it is hard to know what sounds bother him and to what extent.

I will take this as a good sign!

 Time

 One of the most poignant symbols of the not-too-distant past is the clock that is pictured above.

I was cleaning the living room and wanted to give the chair and couch, that we keep covered in sheets for the dog, a good vacuum. I removed the cushions of the chair and low and behold found my clock that was tucked away. Colin used to hide this (formerly) ticking clock all the time. We believe this was among his earliest trigger sounds. Even with it's batteries removed, someone found the need to tuck it away.

New Issue

For much of the past year, Colin seemed to have been suffering from a never-ending case of the sniffles. This has continued even after his surgery. Dad took him to an ENT for allergy testing. Low and behold his biggest issue seems to be "Dog" as well as Ragweed and Weeds.

Colin has allergy medications to help but he has been reluctant to take them. When I asked him how he feels about this new issue, he replied, "...It's worth it!"

 Hopefully love conquers all!





As always..... We are a work-in-progress!

More Like a "We" Problem

8/25/16 : The last couple of weeks have been a flurry of activity. As the summer break was coming to an end, Colin has stepped up his game with Trombone Lessons,  starting work as a Life Guard and continuing with Cross Country Running practices. His middle-brother was extremely helpful in driving him to his lessons and to work. Eldest has pitched in as well.

This past weekend was especially action-packed. My brother was in town to celebrate his 50th Birthday and my sister's house was a hub of activity. On Sunday, we drove our middle-son to college. After a long day of getting him settled, hubs and I came back home in time to feed the dog his dinner and to throw a load of laundry in. On my way to the washing machine, I noticed Colin's door was open and I veered off course to peer into his room. He was at his computer playing a video game. He heard me and turned to greet me with a squinty-eye glare.

"Get out!" he warned, followed by a preemptive "Shut-Up" before I uttered a word.

I turned and continued to the laundry area. I knew better than to try to engage. I know better than to try to talk to my son when he is gaming. It had been a long day for him as well he had worked from 9 am - 3 pm and it appeared he had been unwinding for a few hours. I decided to leave him be for a bit.

Before I was going to get ready for bed, I went back down to talk to Colin. I wanted to make sure he had one more trombone lesson left as I was the one who needed to take him. He tried to "Shush" me away but I was persistent. He grumpily answered my question about whether he had a lesson.He told me it was implied. The teacher left it up to Colin . I asked if he wanted to go and he gave me a terse "Sure". I then tried to explain that I would be on a tight schedule and it was important that we get the schedule planned out.

"Sounds like a "You" problem", Colin sneered.

I shook my head and chuckled at his insolence. "More like a "We" problem" I said under my breath. I retreated back upstairs and went to bed.

It Takes a Village

Puppy misses you.

It's been a few weeks since I started this post. Middle-son is now in his freshman year at a university that is 2 hours away. Eldest is home for the semester working at his first co-op job and in his sophomore year of college. Just before middle-son left for school, we had a nice heart-to-heart chat. He confided that he was concerned how his little brother would do by the time his middle-brother left for school. We both are pleased that Colin has exceeded our expectations.

Not only have we been able to peacefully co-exist, but there has been much improvement in our relationships. Colin seems to have repaired his relationship with his middle-bother. He also looks up to both brothers. Before Labor Day weekend, he emailed this photo to his brother as part of a campaign to "guilt" his brother into coming home for the long weekend. (Which he did ). Colin had sent me the same photo a few weeks before when he was unable to hang out at my sister's house when my brother came in for a visit.

Eldest is currently working across town and passes by Colin's school. He has helped with a lot of the driving. This takes much stress off my shoulders. It also gives the boys some "together time".

When we started our journey 3 years ago, I feared our family was being torn apart. Instead this experience taught us how to work together as a family. Ditto for my relationship with my sister. It strengthened our bond and I owe her big-time. Life has not been perfect but confirms what Nietzsche has famously said. While the adventure is far from over, we are all stronger for our experiences so far, thanks to our "We Problem"..

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

Sunglasses at Night

Last night I took Colin and his middle-brother out for ice cream (fro-yo). I wanted to reward my 18 year-old for taking his younger brother to his first trombone lesson of the summer. Colin thinks he has a good chance at 1st chair in jazz band this coming year and wants to be up to the task.

I found a teacher across town that was willing to work with my son until school starts back up. Monday is the best day as the Country Club where my 18 year old works is closed that day and will save me from that duty for a few weeks.

Colin seemed to like the instructor and is interested in continuing lessons for the next several weeks. I am more than happy to do what I can to encourage this positive endeavor.

When I offered to take his brother out, I told him to see if Colin wanted to come as well. And he jumped at the chance. As we left the house, I noticed that Colin was wearing his glasses and quickly snapped on the magnetic sunglass component. I wanted to sing "I wear my sunglasses at night" but refrained. It was dusk and no real need for this other than to try to conceal his identity. The frozen yogurt shop that middle-son chose was close to our home and a hangout for local teens. I am assuming the stigma of a few years ago still exists and Colin did not want to be recognized by former classmates.

Thankfully there were no awkward encounters. Afterwards we stopped at the grocery store for a few things. Colin asked if he could get a pack of gum. I responded, "Sure! You can pay me back when you start working!"

He flashed a smile my way and handed me his pack to purchase.

If all goes well, in another week or so, Colin will start work as a lifeguard at the same club middle-brother works at. His middle-brother convinced the supervisor to bend the rules to allow a 15 year-old to start near the end of this season. This way Colin would be trained for next year and can help cover hours as several guards leave for college.

We have the paperwork completed and ready to turn into the High School office so that he will have the proper work permit.

With a future so bright, I can indeed see why my son is wearing sunglasses at night!

We are a work-in-progress!

About Last Night

Last night I was asked by my husband to take Colin to a presentation by Johns Hopkins University as he had to work late. When I arrived home from work, I fed the dog and asked Colin about the event. He was concerned that he was not signed up and wasn't sure if he was interested in the school. I ended up convincing him we should go.

When we arrived at our destination, I was encouraged that the parking lot was not crowded. I told Colin that I doubted we would get turned away but if we did, I would take him to dinner. As we approach the door, Colin's guidance counselor greeted him and asked how his brother was doing. I told him that the casts were removed and he is healing up nicely. Colin expressed concern about failing to register for this talk and was ushered in with a smile and assurances that this was fine.

I let Colin choose where we sat. He picked some seats near the doorway. This was his first college presentation and I was interested to see how he would react. I took a few notes while Colin seemed to be attentively listening. At one point he glanced at my notebook and grabbed the pen out of my hands. He quickly scribbled an "s" after John. Duh! It's Johns Hopkins not John....

Kid does not miss a trick!

Dinner Out

On the way home, I asked Colin about picking up some dinner. He was very agreeable. He seemed to be in a decent mood and a bit chatty. I can't remember how we got on the topic, but he mentioned about all the time he had built up on one of his games (Fall Out?). He mentioned that it was over 1,000 hours and that it is measured in two week intervals. Recently he had over 50 hours per week!!! When I feigned surprise ( I already knew this from keeping tabs) and said, " Wow! That is a lot of time! That's like a full time job!" He assured me that it was not as bad as it looked. Much of that time he was logged in but not playing. He was either waiting for a game to load or occupied with something else.

I asked about restaurants and we ended up agreeing to eat at Bob Evans near our home. I thought it might be nice to invite the other boys so I put a call into my eldest. He said he'd be up for it but changed the dinner to another place. One of our favorite pubs has "All You Can Eat Shrimp" on Wednesdays.

We had a lovely dinner and lively conversation. And best of all, not one "shush" from Colin. As we left to go home my elder boys, who drove together, decided to hang out in the area to go "Pokemon Hunting" while Colin and I left for home. We had a good chuckle watching all the "zombies with cell phones" trying to capture mythical creatures.

Oh wait, now I remember, the conversation about gaming came AFTER dinner.

A Few Other Tidbits

We recently bought a new-used car. It is a 2 year old Chrysler with all the safety bells and whistles. Colin mentioned that he would prefer that he learn to drive on our old mini van. This way if he had an accident, it would not be as devastating.

Not sure how I feel about that!
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The last two nights Colin has gone to bed (sofa) at a decent hour and in his basement room. He had been sleeping on the couch in the family room to avoid bugs in the basement; an unfortunate hazard that is to be expected. I also noticed that lately he had been wearing a green knit cap that reminded me of Mike Nesmith of the Monkees. I did not give that much thought.

Last night my husband told me a funny story about the day before. Colin had his follow up visit to the ENT doctor to see how he was doing after the surgery. Dad mentioned that his son was concerned about his scars and is wearing a cap to hide his ears.

Colin was irritated and spoke up. "That's not why I wear it!!!"  he blurted out. "It's to protect against the spiders!"

The nurse had a puzzled look on her face and Hubs had to hold in his amusement. Now it all made sense. He wanted to sleep in his room and was worried about spiders getting in his hair. Love these "Ah-Ha Moments"!

As always.... We are a work-in-progress!

Holiday Weekend

It seems like Colin has been in a better mood since his ear surgery. We are still subject to shushes but they seem a little less frequent. It also seems like we are able to get longer threads of conversation with our son.
Both my husband and I wonder if this is due in part to a successful ear surgery to remove excess tissues in the ear sinus, as well as to close up to hole he's had since birth
.

The purpose of the procedure was to eliminate a source of constant infection. While we don't believe that the pit was a direct cause of Colin's sound issues, we think that by cutting down on infection-causing bacteria in the ear sinus cavity, his symptoms may be reduced. I asked my middle-son if he noticed a difference and he did but attributed it to a different set of factors: Colin was happy to have the summer free for activities and was excited about the possibility of working. Either way works for me!

Unfortunately due to the fact we are unable to discuss his sound sensitivities, we have no way of knowing for sure.

Making Strides

Cross Country team practices started right after Colin's surgery. It seems like his days are back on schedule. He needs to be at his school by 9:00 a.m. and I have been doing most of the shuttling. On one of these trips, I noticed that there was a community pool just a block from the High School. Colin is anxious to find a life guard job. We found out that there may be an opening in late July / early August when college students start to go off to school. He dropped off an application.

In addition to running, he is working on a study guide for Biology based on a book and coursework from this past school year. He plans to market it to fellow students. Colin is also working on Calculus notes for his NHS service project where he plans to be a tutor.

I am relieved that Colin has some activities other than video games to occupy his time this summer.

He will be taking a one week Summer Gym class and is looking into trombone lessons.

Independence Day

The family of one of my middle-son's friends has an annual party on July 3rd. Colin has not gone for the last several years due mostly to not wanting to run into kids from his old school. I was surprised and delighted when he decided to attend with his brothers this year. Colin realized the only people he would know would be his brother's friends.

I socialized with the adults while my boys disappeared into the house. As the party was beginning to wind down, I went in to find the boys.  Colin was playing cards with his middle-brother and three other boys. It did my heart good to see him laughing and having a great time.  They made me stay for another 30 minutes while the finished their game. I gratefully obliged.

On the way out to our car, I noticed a camaraderie between the boys that has been rare to see these past few years. I also noticed that Colin has grown another inch or so and is now about my height.

My heart was filled with joy!

Time Keep Flying By!

I started this post a week ago and am happy to report that we are still on track. Sunday we went to dinner as a family at a nearby pub. Earlier that day I took the boys to Walmart to buy canvases and paints for Colin and his middle brother. Inspired by seeing his middle-brother's artwork from the past school year, Colin decided he wanted to paint as well. Mostly this is due to a competitive streak and thinking he can do a better job than his talented brother.

I can't wait to see what the rest of the summer holds. I am savoring every bit of normalcy as no one knows what the future holds. I will remain hopeful!

As always, we are a work-in-progress!