Monday, March 27, 2017

The Need to Know versus The Want to Know

The last few weeks have been a flurry of activity. This week is Colin's Spring Break. Last week was my middle-son's time home and the week before that was eldest son's break. We also had family come in for visits. While I think Colin was glad to have his brothers home, it may have gotten a bit overwhelming at times.

I noticed one evening when Colin shushed me, he was slightly more agitated than normal. I stopped talking but eldest continued to chat with me. Colin knows better than to shush his oldest brother as he is not as accommodating as Dad and me. Instead Colin disappeared down to his room.

I later asked Eldest if he thought that Dad and my voices were triggers for his baby brother. He seemed to shrug it off and advised to treat Colin normally. He also added that we need to keep questions to a minimum as it gets annoying. Apparently Dad and I have memory issues and it bothers Eldest that we ask about things we have already been told.

It made me feel better that my oldest boy did not seem to notice anything alarming. I have been trying hard to minimize conversations with Colin. He seems to do best when I listen and occasionally have short responses devoid of advice; just to let him vent.

I have so many questions that I'd love to ask my son but have tried to show restraint. It is important to balance the "Need" to know versus the "Want".

I keep telling myself that all will be revealed in good time.

As always we are a work-in-progress!

Monday, March 13, 2017

Sweet Sixteen

Today Colin turns 16.  As if it is not hard enough to wake up on a Monday,  Daylight Saving Time made it more difficult. I was up at 6:00 a.m., fed the dog and tried to wake Colin at 6:20. I found him still in his dress clothes from Sunday, on the family room couch and not responding to my birthday and wake up greetings. I had told Colin if he could get up early enough, I would take him to Tim Horton's, however I could see this was not an option.

Before I ran out the door, I told Colin that it was time to start waking up and that I would be back soon. When I came back with a dozen donuts, he was still in the fetal position and unfazed by his dog's barking.
It took at least five attempts to get him up.

As I finished getting ready, packed his lunch and mine, I warned him that we needed to leave soon. He looked at me and asked if he could stay home to catch up on some projects. Yesterday afternoon, he had asked the same favor. We had a swim team awards banquet and were leaving the parking lot when I asked him about his birthday. Dad wanted to get Colin new head phones and I felt it was best to ask before buying. Colin wanted to wait for a gift but asked if he could stay home instead. I asked if he had homework to catch up on but he said "Not really. I just have some projects I want to work on".

We had let him skip school two weeks ago when he had a Math Club competition he spent all day from 8:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. Sunday at a group member's house. We were not going to make this a habit.

When he asked this morning, I turned to Dad to let him field this one.

"NO!" Hubs said in a firm, and loud voice. " When I stopped by your room last night to tell you I was going to bed, at was 11:00 and you were still gaming. That should have been your signal to stop".

Colin replied that he did not tell him. Dad responded that he needs to take responsibility for his work and grades. Colin then finished getting ready for school, realizing that staying home was not an option.

An Uneasy Silence

I was completely mute from the time we got into the car, all the way to school. I so wanted to lecture my son but knew it would not be helpful. This is a problem he needs to take ownership of .

I was not happy that Colin wasted his time playing video games and thought we'd let him stay home. I am concerned that he has slipped and is having some difficulty in getting back up. His grades are still Honor Roll status but not above a 4.0 as it had been. His time management skills are seriously lacking.

In other news, on Saturday, Colin took the SATs and felt he did really well. Eldest came home for Spring Break that day as well. This coming weekend, we have family coming in and Middle-son comes home for his break.

Last weekend we also got together with family. My brother and sister-in-law came in from Chicago to visit their daughter. We had dinner with the three of them and my sister, her youngest son and her husband. They had not seen Colin for a while and were impressed with how much he has grown. It was nice to see Colin interact with his cousins. Nice to have a normal night out.

While there are a few minor bumps in the road, the future still looks bright for Colin. He is focused on trying to get into a good college. Hopefully he gets back on track with his school work.

As always.... we are a work-in-progress!

Friday, March 3, 2017

Moment of Gratitude

It took 5 attempts to finally wake Colin up this morning. We were running late and he did not have time to waste.

After I was ready to go,  I yelled down to Colin to see if he was almost ready. He yelled up that he was working on something and it would be a minute. I cleaned up a few things in the kitchen, packed his lunch and went down to check on what was taking him so long.

Much to my dismay he was still in his t-shirt and shorts and working on his computer. He glared at me as I told him we would be late.

I should have been angry. The old me would have lectured him. I most certainly would have with his brothers. Instead when he finally was ready to go, I took a deep breath and exhaled. Things are not that bad.
In fact much to be grateful for.

1. Colin slept in his eldest brother's bed. This has become a more regular event lately.
2. Colin lets me pack his lunch. I typically do this most mornings now. There was a time 3 years ago when he would not eat anything I touched. Now he seems to welcome the help.
3. We got to school on time (barely)
4. Our relationship is slowly improving. Last night he even showed me a slide program assignment for his English class. While the work it self was not that remarkable, I was impressed that he wanted to share with me.

As always we are a work-in-progress... and have much to be grateful for!