Off to a Good Start

Last week flew by. So far the boys seem to be in a good routine and I barely see them. I've been asked to sign papers and given snippets of information. I've also been subjected to a few soft "shushes" and a couple of  "hate messages". This is communicated through the dog such as Colin in his usual sing-songy voice, "Kill her" or "Sumter says he hates you" while he is petting his dog. As these are non-disruptive, I either laugh or ignore it. Not sure why he does this. I can't tell if he was triggered, in a bad mood, jealous over the time I spend with "his" dog or just joking. We've been through so much worse, this is hardly worth mentioning other than to point out that this is the extent of the bad behavior we now see.

Friday Night Lights

Friday night, I came home to the two younger boys in the basement painting white t-shirts with washable paint.   I was warned not to let the dog down there. They were getting ready for the first football game of the season at their high school. Each game has a theme and that night was "America". The boys were adorning their tees with red, white & blue images.

After Sumter was fed and walked, I curled up on the couch with the pup. As I was chilling out, I could hear Colin in the bathroom cursing. He seemed to be talking to a group, addressing them as "bitches". I couldn't make out what was being said other than a bunch of profanities. As he walked into the living room, I said "What?" to make sure he was not talking to me earlier. He calmly looked at me with a blank expression, as if the brief curse-word laden soliloquy I overheard never happened.

Soon after middle-son was upstairs and they were having a contest as to who could talk "creepier". I later asked my 17 year old if everything was o.k. in school and explained my concern that Colin may have had a run-in with some boys. Middle-son assured me that he knew of no such event and his brother seemed fine.

Several hours later they came home from the game and seemed to have a great time. It has been reassuring to see the boys getting on so well.

Meet and Greet

Saturday morning was the first cross country meet of the season. Hubs and I packed up the dog and Colin while middle-son had to go to work. Colin has made Sumter the team mascot and takes pride in showing him off to the boys. Unfortunately this meet had a no-dogs-allowed policy and we had to watch from the perimeters with the other dogs. Colin has improved over last year and was in the middle of the pack as opposed to one of the last. He also is a few inches taller and no longer the smallest.

Upon arriving home, he collapsed on the couch and fell into a deep sleep. I had a friend who was in town with his 8 year old son visiting family and had made arrangements to have a pool day at my sister's house. As I mentioned in my last post, our house is not in shape for company due to our first floor makeover in progress. Luckily my friend's family lives close to my sister and my sister has an open-door policy!

Unable to wake Colin up, I took the dog and went to my sister's. A few hours later, Colin, hubs and middle-son came out. We had a nice afternoon and the "problem child" turned out to be Sumter. Towards dinnertime, my sister had several friends arrive for a potluck/cookout and our pup started to growl at a few of the guests. Other than that, we had a nice time for most of the evening.

Middle-son had to leave early for a babysitting gig and my nephew had some friends over. This made Colin the odd-man out and after a while he was bored. We had to leave before I had wanted, just before 8:30 p.m.. Our son was becoming agitated and had been sitting in the car for 10 minutes before I was done with my goodbyes. Once safely at home, we went our separate ways. I passed out early due to consuming two glasses of wine.

Sunday was our day to recuperate and get ready for the week ahead.

So far the week has been relatively uneventful as a routine is getting set. The boys get up early, I have to help make sure Colin is awake. After a bit of rushing about they are out the door between 6:30 - 6:45 a.m. Colin has cross country practice after school. My early birds arrive home before I do and fall into a coma. I usually don't see them until an hour or so before my bedtime where they have a late dinner together.

Many parents are heartbroken that they are not able to share quality time with their miso-child. I on the other hand feel that less is more. I rather have brief encounters that are not unpleasant. I am content to observe from a distance and see that my son is relatively content. It does my heart good to see my boys getting along. I feel so very lucky.....

We are a work-in-progress!

School Daze

I woke up this morning at 4:53 a.m. My husband was rustling around and slightly awake. I told him that Colin wanted to be woken up at 5:00 a.m. and was told to let him sleep. At 5:10, I crawled out of bed as I heard my middle-son's alarm going off. I peaked in his room. My 17 year old was a bit groggy but in the process of getting out of bed. I then proceeded to go downstairs.

The dog awoke and was stretching. He followed me to the top of the basement stairs. The lights were on but I did not hear any signs that Colin was awake until we started to descend down to his room. Half-way down, I heard his voice.

"I'm awake!"

We turned around. I took the pup out for a pee and then gave him his breakfast. Colin scurried up the stairs, wide-awake, fully dressed for school and seemed to be in a good mood. He cheerfully greeted his dog and went about eating his breakfast and packing his school lunch.

Soon it would be time to leave for the first day of school!

The Send Off

Last Wednesday, Eldest left to start his freshman year at a university that is two hours from our home. We had a family dinner the night before at a nice restaurant and then milkshakes from Sonic for dessert. The younger two were in great spirits. They have been plotting on having a great school year now that middle-son would be a senior and the designated driver to school.

Wednesday evening while hubs was helping our oldest move in his dorm, the other boys came with me to pick my niece up from the airport and shuttle her to her new dorm for the year at a college near our home.

We had a nice dinner at a campus pizza joint and then on to the dorm. Colin stayed in the car with me while middle-son helped his cousin check in.

There was a bit of a key-card snafu which resulted in my being stuck for a half hour in my car with Colin in the back seat. He was surprisingly chatty.

He told me he had the best day. When I asked why, I found out that he slept until 4 p.m. He was up until 2:00 a.m. and had 14 hours of sleep. He continued to talk about the upcoming school year and his class plan. He wanted to change from Pre-Calculus to Calc AB and would need parental consent to do so. Truthfully most of the conversation was not that memorable. What made the strongest impression on me was the fact he seemed relaxed and happy. I was reminded of the good old days when my son was able to sit and talk to me. My heart was full!

Weekend Visits

I was feeling guilty about not helping with the move and being able to see my eldest's dorm room. I decided to take a trip Saturday to go visit. Originally Colin said he thought he'd like to go. He was interested in seeing his brother's campus and room. When the time came to leave, Colin was groggy and decided to stay home with the dog and his middle brother. Maybe next time....

Sunday, my brother and his wife came for a short visit after helping their daughter with her dorm room. We had a nice visit other than the house being in a shambles. We are in the middle of a kitchen and half bath remodel. Colin was fairly social and the difference in his demeanor from a year ago was remarkable.

The First Day of School

Back to the first day of school which started so very early. The day seemed to be a success. Both boys were exhausted. I did get enough information to know that all went well.

I am so very hopeful for a great rest of the year. It has been a struggle but we are finally starting to see the fruits of our labor.

As always.... we are a work in progress!

Gaming Theory - Part 2

We had yet another rather successful weekend.

Saturday afternoon, I packed up Colin, the dog and Eldest and headed out. We dropped Eldest off at his job and then ventured on to my sister's house. I wanted to get some pool time as well as drop off a bucket of tomatoes from the garden.

After we dropped eldest off, Colin asked politely if I could turn the radio off. Eldest likes to listen to the radio and will take control of the stations. Colin has a healthy respect for his brother and is reluctant to give any signs of being bothered. His eldest brother is convinced that Colin is fine now. Unfortunately I know better. At least Colin seems able to cope.

I looked for any other signs of distress during the car ride but found none. The trip and visit went smoothly. I got to visit with my sister and her swimming pool and Colin spent most of his time with his cousin playing video games.

Sunday was another family day. We spent time with my husband's family. Colin went with his eldest brother early so that they could swim with their cousins at a club. My husband and I went later to his sister's house for dinner and some time with our visiting relatives.

Another great day. Colin seems to be more comfortable with family gatherings and appeared to have a great time!

Yesterday morning I heard another segment on NPR while driving the pup to daycare. I am really excited that my theory about complex video games may have some merit!

As always....We are a work-in-progress!

This story is about video games to help with neurological disorders applying for FDA approval.

Gaming Theory

Another successful week and weekend. Time has been flying by and school will start soon. This past weekend was a tax-free school supply holiday and I tried to take advantage of this. I took eldest on Saturday night and Colin on Sunday (yesterday) afternoon.

As I continue my policy of minimal intrusion with Colin, I am seeing results. Other than a few shushes when he is in a "mood" and does not want to hear talking or a "get out of my room" when checking in on him, our sparse interactions have been pleasant. Colin said "Yes" to a shopping trip yesterday afternoon and later that evening we went out to eat with eldest and my husband. Middle-son was tired from work and wanted to nap. Colin was in a relatively good mood and both events were enjoyable.

I've had several parents in my Parent Support Group ask about our method for helping our son improve. I mention a few things: 1. The Sound-Proofed Room  2. Allowing him to get a dog 3. "Detachment Parenting" (ie. leaving him the hell alone as much as possible) and 4. Video Games (Colin is able to play video games in the noisy part of the basement even when the laundry machines are going).

This morning I heard a story on NPR which reinforces my crazy theory that when engrossed in an activity that is enjoyable and requires a high amount of concentration, triggers can be tuned out. While my son refused to try Neurofeedback, I feel that video games may have the same effect in helping with triggers.


http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/08/10/430149726/will-doctors-soon-be-prescribing-video-games-for-mental-health

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

The Normalest of Normals

The expression, "Normal is Boring" does not apply in my world. In fact, "Normalcy" rocks my universe. Last night was so freaking normal, I could almost cry. I am still so locked-up emotionally, the best I could manage was a small lump in my throat and a warm feeling in my heart.

Eldest will be leaving for college in 2 weeks. We need to start shopping for school clothes. Colin has been sprouting up a bit and could use some new clothing as well. My middle-son and husband had an event to go to. I decided to take the other two boys to a nearby outlet store.

We pulled up to the warehouse just in time for closing. I had thought the store was open later. We decided to go on to Great Clips, so Colin could get a much-needed haircut and then on to dinner.

After a bit of a debate with my eldest, we decided to go to Bob Evan's for dinner. Colin seemed to be in a relative calm mood and was fairly agreeable about our choice of venue. We had a relaxed dinner and the boys conversed about the upcoming school year. I was content to sit and bask in the aura of "normal-ness".

Toward the end of our meal, Eldest noticed a fellow summer "swim mom" at the counter getting take-out. We waved and she stopped by our table to say hello before leaving with her order. In addition to having a son, the same age of eldest, she also has a boy who was a former classmate and teammate of Colin. The fellow swim-mom is one of the few outside of our family who knew about Colin's story. She chatted for a few short minutes but did not speak directly to Colin.

I was amazed that my son hid any discomfort he may have had, as he tries to avoid anyone from his past to escape any uncomfortable questions. Even more remarkable is as I looked around, after our friend left, I noticed all the ceiling fans twirling around on the ceiling. I did not detect even the slight flinch or annoyance from my miso-son!

Last Weekend - Another Normalcy High

Adding to my "Normalcy High", was a couple of successful family outings last weekend.

Saturday night my husband, middle-son, Colin & I went to a late-night showing of  "Train Wreck". Not exactly the most family-friendly movie but I never claimed to be a great parent. On any day I will throw "Family Values" out the window in lieu of a slice of  "peaceful pie".

We arrived at the theatre early. Colin and his brother got a XXL bucket of popcorn and a couple of jumbo drinks as well. The boys like to add butter-flavored salt to their favorite movie treat. Apparently Colin was a little too generous with the salt which was centered in the pile of popped corn. I unknowingly grabbed a handful from the center and was rewarded with a mouthful of salt. The boys laughed as I grimaced and Colin offered me a sip of his drink. I was amazed at this gesture. We have come a long way!

(please note that movies are not an issue for us like other miso-families as mouth and eating noises do not seem to annoy my son)

Sunday afternoon, Colin, Sumter and I went out for a visit to my sister's house. Colin spent much of the time there playing video games with his cousin while the dogs played and I hung out by the pool with my sister and brother-in-law. We stayed for dinner before heading back.

What a difference a year makes. We are doing so much better than I ever dreamed possible. In a couple of short years I have gone from one of the most pitied parents in my parent support group to one of the luckiest.

I have no idea what the future holds and I am more than content to hang on to moments like these....

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

Quiet Please... A Project Worth Supporting

Filmmaker Jeffrey Gould is undertaking a project to make a documentary about Misophonia and the toll it takes on lives, families and relationships. He is running a campaign for funding on IndieGoGo .

Please consider a donation to this worthy cause. There are some great Perks besides the ultimate goal of spreading awaremess!

A Weekend of Normalcy

The last few weeks have flown by. Graduation party for the eldest, working on a kitchen remodel, and not much out of the ordinary to report. I sometimes forget how far we have come until I am reminded by either my sister or by reading old posts in this blog.

The boys have been busy with activities. The older two have work and swimming. Colin has been going to cross country practices and recently finished up a SAT review class. The new X-Box has also been getting a workout with Colin and his middle brother. Having two teen boys that can drive has been a lifesaver for our family. The boys can be left home alone during the day and are fairly self-sufficient.

I have decided to continue with weekday doggie daycare for Sumter. I know from last year, that our pup will be largely ignored other than mealtime and bathroom breaks. I have found that Sumter is easier to manage when he has had a full day playing with other dogs and comes home worn out. Our beloved pooch has been instrumental in Colin's reintegration into our home. I am committed to providing the best care possible for him.

Almost Like Old Times

This weekend has been one of the most "normal" since our son has been back.Friday night, Colin and his Dad went shopping for new running shoes. Saturday night Colin came along with me to pick his brother up from work.  We got take-out from Wendy's then stopped at the grocery store on the way home. The boys stayed in the car while I purchased  a few necessities.

Later that night, Colin mentioned that he might want to go running around the neighborhood. He was feeling guilty about missing Friday's cross country practice and wanted to test out his new shoes. I looked at the clock and it was almost midnight. I mentioned that it was late and not a good idea. I realize that he does not want to run into anyone he knows from his middle-school days. The stigma from his interrupted school year still hangs over his head.

Sunday afternoon, while I was mowing the back yard, Colin, Sumter and hubs came out back. I took a break and we all sat down. Dad decided to take Colin down to his high school so he could run the team's usual path. As we relaxed and chatted for a bit, my husband and I exchanged glances. Not a word needed to be uttered to know what the other was thinking. We were having a "normal" boring day. And we were ecstatic!

To top things off, we made plans to go out for a Sunday family dinner. The WHOLE family. After some deliberation we decided on a nearby restaurant. Colin and his middle brother wore sunglasses. For my 17 year old, he was making a fashion statement. As for Colin, I believe this was for protection, in case he ran into someone he used to know.

Dinner Confessional

The coast was clear with not one familiar face in the restaurant and dinner was relaxed. The boys bantered about. My middle son mentioned his upcoming trip with me to NYC. Just the two of us are going on a mini vacation to visit family, take in a couple of college visits and see a play that my nephew is in. To my surprise, Colin mentioned that he might want to go. His middle brother mentioned that it was too late, tickets were already purchased. I mentioned that we can take another trip with him.

Truth be told, this would have been a very bad idea. While I am encouraged that Colin was interested in going with us, I know he is not ready. Until he is able to openly talk about his sound issues, there is too much room for things to go terribly wrong.

However, we may be seeing baby-steps in the right direction. In the course of our dinner conversation, my middle-son mentioned that he is slightly OCD. He and his eldest brother got into a debate about this when Colin chimed in.

"You know." he piped up, " I was diagnosed with OCD". There then was a bit of silent hesitation and we all dropped the topic. This was the first time our son had mentioned something from his hospitalization. While he was never formally diagnosed with any disorder, this was one of many possibilities mentioned.

We are all being careful to avoid mentioning anything from "the year that is not to be spoken of". We don't want to spook Colin. I have found that if you focus on listening and not reacting, every now and again a snippet of information will slip out.

Baby-Steps....

As always we are a work-in-progress!