More Like a "We" Problem

8/25/16 : The last couple of weeks have been a flurry of activity. As the summer break was coming to an end, Colin has stepped up his game with Trombone Lessons,  starting work as a Life Guard and continuing with Cross Country Running practices. His middle-brother was extremely helpful in driving him to his lessons and to work. Eldest has pitched in as well.

This past weekend was especially action-packed. My brother was in town to celebrate his 50th Birthday and my sister's house was a hub of activity. On Sunday, we drove our middle-son to college. After a long day of getting him settled, hubs and I came back home in time to feed the dog his dinner and to throw a load of laundry in. On my way to the washing machine, I noticed Colin's door was open and I veered off course to peer into his room. He was at his computer playing a video game. He heard me and turned to greet me with a squinty-eye glare.

"Get out!" he warned, followed by a preemptive "Shut-Up" before I uttered a word.

I turned and continued to the laundry area. I knew better than to try to engage. I know better than to try to talk to my son when he is gaming. It had been a long day for him as well he had worked from 9 am - 3 pm and it appeared he had been unwinding for a few hours. I decided to leave him be for a bit.

Before I was going to get ready for bed, I went back down to talk to Colin. I wanted to make sure he had one more trombone lesson left as I was the one who needed to take him. He tried to "Shush" me away but I was persistent. He grumpily answered my question about whether he had a lesson.He told me it was implied. The teacher left it up to Colin . I asked if he wanted to go and he gave me a terse "Sure". I then tried to explain that I would be on a tight schedule and it was important that we get the schedule planned out.

"Sounds like a "You" problem", Colin sneered.

I shook my head and chuckled at his insolence. "More like a "We" problem" I said under my breath. I retreated back upstairs and went to bed.

It Takes a Village

Puppy misses you.

It's been a few weeks since I started this post. Middle-son is now in his freshman year at a university that is 2 hours away. Eldest is home for the semester working at his first co-op job and in his sophomore year of college. Just before middle-son left for school, we had a nice heart-to-heart chat. He confided that he was concerned how his little brother would do by the time his middle-brother left for school. We both are pleased that Colin has exceeded our expectations.

Not only have we been able to peacefully co-exist, but there has been much improvement in our relationships. Colin seems to have repaired his relationship with his middle-bother. He also looks up to both brothers. Before Labor Day weekend, he emailed this photo to his brother as part of a campaign to "guilt" his brother into coming home for the long weekend. (Which he did ). Colin had sent me the same photo a few weeks before when he was unable to hang out at my sister's house when my brother came in for a visit.

Eldest is currently working across town and passes by Colin's school. He has helped with a lot of the driving. This takes much stress off my shoulders. It also gives the boys some "together time".

When we started our journey 3 years ago, I feared our family was being torn apart. Instead this experience taught us how to work together as a family. Ditto for my relationship with my sister. It strengthened our bond and I owe her big-time. Life has not been perfect but confirms what Nietzsche has famously said. While the adventure is far from over, we are all stronger for our experiences so far, thanks to our "We Problem"..

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

Sunglasses at Night

Last night I took Colin and his middle-brother out for ice cream (fro-yo). I wanted to reward my 18 year-old for taking his younger brother to his first trombone lesson of the summer. Colin thinks he has a good chance at 1st chair in jazz band this coming year and wants to be up to the task.

I found a teacher across town that was willing to work with my son until school starts back up. Monday is the best day as the Country Club where my 18 year old works is closed that day and will save me from that duty for a few weeks.

Colin seemed to like the instructor and is interested in continuing lessons for the next several weeks. I am more than happy to do what I can to encourage this positive endeavor.

When I offered to take his brother out, I told him to see if Colin wanted to come as well. And he jumped at the chance. As we left the house, I noticed that Colin was wearing his glasses and quickly snapped on the magnetic sunglass component. I wanted to sing "I wear my sunglasses at night" but refrained. It was dusk and no real need for this other than to try to conceal his identity. The frozen yogurt shop that middle-son chose was close to our home and a hangout for local teens. I am assuming the stigma of a few years ago still exists and Colin did not want to be recognized by former classmates.

Thankfully there were no awkward encounters. Afterwards we stopped at the grocery store for a few things. Colin asked if he could get a pack of gum. I responded, "Sure! You can pay me back when you start working!"

He flashed a smile my way and handed me his pack to purchase.

If all goes well, in another week or so, Colin will start work as a lifeguard at the same club middle-brother works at. His middle-brother convinced the supervisor to bend the rules to allow a 15 year-old to start near the end of this season. This way Colin would be trained for next year and can help cover hours as several guards leave for college.

We have the paperwork completed and ready to turn into the High School office so that he will have the proper work permit.

With a future so bright, I can indeed see why my son is wearing sunglasses at night!

We are a work-in-progress!

About Last Night

Last night I was asked by my husband to take Colin to a presentation by Johns Hopkins University as he had to work late. When I arrived home from work, I fed the dog and asked Colin about the event. He was concerned that he was not signed up and wasn't sure if he was interested in the school. I ended up convincing him we should go.

When we arrived at our destination, I was encouraged that the parking lot was not crowded. I told Colin that I doubted we would get turned away but if we did, I would take him to dinner. As we approach the door, Colin's guidance counselor greeted him and asked how his brother was doing. I told him that the casts were removed and he is healing up nicely. Colin expressed concern about failing to register for this talk and was ushered in with a smile and assurances that this was fine.

I let Colin choose where we sat. He picked some seats near the doorway. This was his first college presentation and I was interested to see how he would react. I took a few notes while Colin seemed to be attentively listening. At one point he glanced at my notebook and grabbed the pen out of my hands. He quickly scribbled an "s" after John. Duh! It's Johns Hopkins not John....

Kid does not miss a trick!

Dinner Out

On the way home, I asked Colin about picking up some dinner. He was very agreeable. He seemed to be in a decent mood and a bit chatty. I can't remember how we got on the topic, but he mentioned about all the time he had built up on one of his games (Fall Out?). He mentioned that it was over 1,000 hours and that it is measured in two week intervals. Recently he had over 50 hours per week!!! When I feigned surprise ( I already knew this from keeping tabs) and said, " Wow! That is a lot of time! That's like a full time job!" He assured me that it was not as bad as it looked. Much of that time he was logged in but not playing. He was either waiting for a game to load or occupied with something else.

I asked about restaurants and we ended up agreeing to eat at Bob Evans near our home. I thought it might be nice to invite the other boys so I put a call into my eldest. He said he'd be up for it but changed the dinner to another place. One of our favorite pubs has "All You Can Eat Shrimp" on Wednesdays.

We had a lovely dinner and lively conversation. And best of all, not one "shush" from Colin. As we left to go home my elder boys, who drove together, decided to hang out in the area to go "Pokemon Hunting" while Colin and I left for home. We had a good chuckle watching all the "zombies with cell phones" trying to capture mythical creatures.

Oh wait, now I remember, the conversation about gaming came AFTER dinner.

A Few Other Tidbits

We recently bought a new-used car. It is a 2 year old Chrysler with all the safety bells and whistles. Colin mentioned that he would prefer that he learn to drive on our old mini van. This way if he had an accident, it would not be as devastating.

Not sure how I feel about that!
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The last two nights Colin has gone to bed (sofa) at a decent hour and in his basement room. He had been sleeping on the couch in the family room to avoid bugs in the basement; an unfortunate hazard that is to be expected. I also noticed that lately he had been wearing a green knit cap that reminded me of Mike Nesmith of the Monkees. I did not give that much thought.

Last night my husband told me a funny story about the day before. Colin had his follow up visit to the ENT doctor to see how he was doing after the surgery. Dad mentioned that his son was concerned about his scars and is wearing a cap to hide his ears.

Colin was irritated and spoke up. "That's not why I wear it!!!"  he blurted out. "It's to protect against the spiders!"

The nurse had a puzzled look on her face and Hubs had to hold in his amusement. Now it all made sense. He wanted to sleep in his room and was worried about spiders getting in his hair. Love these "Ah-Ha Moments"!

As always.... We are a work-in-progress!

Holiday Weekend

It seems like Colin has been in a better mood since his ear surgery. We are still subject to shushes but they seem a little less frequent. It also seems like we are able to get longer threads of conversation with our son.
Both my husband and I wonder if this is due in part to a successful ear surgery to remove excess tissues in the ear sinus, as well as to close up to hole he's had since birth
.

The purpose of the procedure was to eliminate a source of constant infection. While we don't believe that the pit was a direct cause of Colin's sound issues, we think that by cutting down on infection-causing bacteria in the ear sinus cavity, his symptoms may be reduced. I asked my middle-son if he noticed a difference and he did but attributed it to a different set of factors: Colin was happy to have the summer free for activities and was excited about the possibility of working. Either way works for me!

Unfortunately due to the fact we are unable to discuss his sound sensitivities, we have no way of knowing for sure.

Making Strides

Cross Country team practices started right after Colin's surgery. It seems like his days are back on schedule. He needs to be at his school by 9:00 a.m. and I have been doing most of the shuttling. On one of these trips, I noticed that there was a community pool just a block from the High School. Colin is anxious to find a life guard job. We found out that there may be an opening in late July / early August when college students start to go off to school. He dropped off an application.

In addition to running, he is working on a study guide for Biology based on a book and coursework from this past school year. He plans to market it to fellow students. Colin is also working on Calculus notes for his NHS service project where he plans to be a tutor.

I am relieved that Colin has some activities other than video games to occupy his time this summer.

He will be taking a one week Summer Gym class and is looking into trombone lessons.

Independence Day

The family of one of my middle-son's friends has an annual party on July 3rd. Colin has not gone for the last several years due mostly to not wanting to run into kids from his old school. I was surprised and delighted when he decided to attend with his brothers this year. Colin realized the only people he would know would be his brother's friends.

I socialized with the adults while my boys disappeared into the house. As the party was beginning to wind down, I went in to find the boys.  Colin was playing cards with his middle-brother and three other boys. It did my heart good to see him laughing and having a great time.  They made me stay for another 30 minutes while the finished their game. I gratefully obliged.

On the way out to our car, I noticed a camaraderie between the boys that has been rare to see these past few years. I also noticed that Colin has grown another inch or so and is now about my height.

My heart was filled with joy!

Time Keep Flying By!

I started this post a week ago and am happy to report that we are still on track. Sunday we went to dinner as a family at a nearby pub. Earlier that day I took the boys to Walmart to buy canvases and paints for Colin and his middle brother. Inspired by seeing his middle-brother's artwork from the past school year, Colin decided he wanted to paint as well. Mostly this is due to a competitive streak and thinking he can do a better job than his talented brother.

I can't wait to see what the rest of the summer holds. I am savoring every bit of normalcy as no one knows what the future holds. I will remain hopeful!

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

Life In Pictures

This past weekend was the NYC premier of "Quiet Please", a documentary of living with Misophonia by Jeffrey Gould. I wanted to attend but the cost and timing were less than ideal. So many of my virtual friends whom I have bonded with over this disorder were there. I had to settle for combing through FaceBook posts and photos to get glimpses of the weekend. The reviews were glowing and I can't wait to get my copy of the movie. The only complaint I heard about the weekend was there was not enough time to visit with everyone. That's what happens when there is so much awesomeness in one place. Everyone was left wanting more!

Action-packed Month

It has been a few weeks since my last post. The time has been action-packed.
 

Right before Memorial Day Weekend, my middle-son slipped and fell during a game of kickball at school. He fell backwards and tried to catch himself resulting in two broken wrists. While middle-brother was in the hospital waiting to have surgery to put a metal-plate and pins in one of the wrists,  Colin and his eldest brother had a dinner-dance fundraiser for the High School Jazz band they were to perform in; Colin on trombone, his brother on trumpet. Hubs stayed at the hospital while I went with the boys.

Through the wonders of technology, I was able to keep up with the surgery via texts while enjoying the dinner and band. Colin seemed to be in a good mood. He likes performing and was happy to have his eldest brother back from college. Colin also seemed to not mind ( dare I day enjoy) having his injured brother help put him in the center of attention as the group was buzzing about the medical drama.

Next came middle-son's High School graduation. This year we made sure to get to school early so we could get good seats. Last year, although we were on time, we were forced to watch from the 2nd floor balcony for eldest's  ceremony. Colin was a bit restless so I asked if he would like to use my camera to take pictures. He jumped at the chance and took over 100 photographs! It made my heart happy to see my son still had his passion for photography.

Over this past weekend, Colin borrowed the disc from my camera to download and edit some of the pictures. I was able to sit nearby and was asked for my opinion on some of the edits. It almost felt like old times, before Misophonia damaged our relationship. I live for times like this.

Picture me with a smile on my face! 

More Surgery

Colin had his finals the week after his brother's graduation. When he was done, at the end of the week, he had surgery on his ear to close up the hole.  I was a bit concerned due to his wonky sleep schedule. Days and nights were almost completely reversed. Colin was playing video games until 5 or 6 in the morning and then going to sleep for most (if no all) of the day.

The day of his surgery, Colin did not get to sleep until between 5:30 - 6:00 a.m. and had to get up by 10:30 a.m. to go to the hospital. His surgery was around 2:00 and went relatively well. The only real issue came when it was time to wake up to go home. The nurses had a hard time waking Colin up. He was the last surgery of the day and they wanted to go home; a groggy Colin was not in such a hurry.

While recovery was fairly speedy, Colin decided to skip his brother's graduation party the next day. He was worried that there would be some guests that he went to middle-school with. Colin still has much shame and embarrassment from the year he abruptly left to live with his aunt and transfer to a school close to her home.

At least he had a good excuse to stay home and take care of the dog.

Starting the Summer Off on The Right Foot

Cross Country practice has started and Colin seems to have gotten his sleep schedule back on track. I had mentioned to him last week that I was concerned how he would be able to manage working, going to practice and perhaps taking a class or two. (Summer Gym and Trombone lessons).

My son told me that I should not be concerned and that soon his days would be back on track. It looks like he was correct. Monday morning, Colin was up and ready to go to practice. Unfortunately the lifeguard job he thought was lined up, was no longer open by the time he emailed the aquatics director over the weekend.

Fortunately this was not a setback for Colin. He said that this would open up his time for other activities and his middle-brother told him he would try to get Colin a job at his pool in late July when kids start going back to College.

I also checked into a pool that is close to his High School. They take guards at age 15 but all positions are filled at the moment. I was advised to have Colin put an application on file in case things open up in a month or so. I emailed a link to my son.

It seems like things will all work out.

As always..... we are a work-in-progress!

Found My Purpose

This morning, after being shushed just minutes earlier, I was summoned by Colin.

"Mom, there's a bug in my room!".

I waited a minute or so to respond and then asked the obvious.

"Do you want me to get it?"

After being given coordinates (on the floor, directly below the light switch). I went down with a couple of sheets of toilet paper in hand. I found the tiniest of spiders curled up in a ball and picked it up. I showed my find to my son who flinched and backed away as he nodded in the affirmative. 

I guess I have found my purpose in life!

The Joy of Listening

Having my son vent to me about others has been another job I take pride in. The upside to Colin having issues is when he vents to me about them. The trick is to mostly listen and not to try to offer up solutions, although the "mom" in me can't help making a few suggestions.

A few weeks ago, my son told me about a group project for science. The assignment was for each group to make a video related to biodiversity or a similar topic based on ecology. Colin mentioned that two boys that he would not normally have picked as teammates, asked to be in his group. They were not the best of students but my son felt they seemed nice enough and would make an honest attempt at pitching in with the work. I had a not so good feeling about this.

The first week of the project, Colin was beginning to be concerned. He was worried that the other two boys were in no hurry to get started. He had a difficult time getting meetings set up and there appeared to be some "artistic" differences. Most of Colin's ideas were being rejected and the other boys' ideas were a bit off-topic. It was clear they had not done the required reading.

There was a section where my son wanted to do a Steve Irwin bit and needed a hat and clothing to look like an Australian wildlife expert. I was able to pick up a few things at Walmart while helping my middle-son with finding envelopes for his graduation invitations. I also loaned my tripod and helped with a few props. 

The reward was being able to hear about his presentation and being allowed to watch the video in his room.

I was surprised and delighted to see my name in the credits. When I asked about that, he told me that the other boys' moms did nothing to help. He also gave credit to his middle-brother who helped not only with ideas but appeared in the video as his acting skills were needed.

It was clear as I watched the other two boys fumble through their lines, that Colin was clearly the one who did the majority of the work. Colin was more than a little pissed-off at one of the boys. It got back to Colin that this teammate was bad-mouthing him around school. He was also claiming to be the brains of the group, although Colin's friends say that the boy was clearly joking. Unfortunately my son did not think the boy was joking and was not amused.

In the credits, Colin listed himself as the producer, the writer, the directer and that he did all the work! The other boys were given credit as actors and teammates, although both roles were small.

There were a few life-lessons for everyone. For the lazy students, they will think twice before ever wanting to work with Colin again. My son might seem nice and congenial but in reality he is a control-freak who will exact revenge for those who try to take unfair advantage. The lesson for Colin is to be a bit smarter in choosing future groups.

I am trying to keep my distance and let Colin work through this situation. He still is planing to talk to the teacher to make sure he knows how little the other boys did, especially the more difficult of the two. Colin does not think the boys should get the same grade as him. He is also upset as he feels that if he had a different group, the project could have been so much better. The scores have not been handed out yet, but I thought it was a solid effort and should be at least a B+. Colin has a 95% before this grade so he should remain an A. The other boys have Cs & Ds  and should only be helped.

Should be interesting to see how this plays out.....

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

Every Day Is Mother's Day

This past Mother's Day Weekend went by quickly and was largely uneventful. Colin is continuing on his all-day sleeping and staying up all night. These are the highlights from the past week:

• On Thursday night, Colin passed his Lifeguard Training. His dad went to pick him up and spoke with the teacher. Our son aced the written exam but his instructor felt he could benefit from another session to fine-tune his teamwork skills. There were only five people in his class and pairing up with a partner had to be rotated. I also can't help but wonder if part of Colin's "wiring issues" make it more difficult to work with others. Colin plans to go to an extra session at the end of the month 

• Colin has been battling a nasty head-cold for a while. On days where he does not get enough sleep his symptoms seem to worsen. Although he started to improve over the weekend, he decided to skip his Ultimate Frisbee Team's tournament on Sunday. One of the school teams involved had players that Colin went to middle school with. He decided to skip the meet with the excuse of being sick, although he did tell his dad and eldest brother the real reason was due to not wanting to see boys from his past. While I understand he still is ashamed of the year he left school abruptly to live with his aunt, I had hoped he would be able to have moved on by now. he just does not want to have to explain.

• Sunday night, we celebrated Mother's Day with Chinese take-out. At this point in my life, I am grateful for a quiet family dinner. That was enough of a gift.

• Monday night when I picked Colin up from school, he was a bit chattier than usual. He is in the midst of a group project for science and having some issues. The other two boys in his group, are not classmates he would have chosen to work with but they seemed eager to be in his group. Colin decided against his better judgement to accept them as group mates for a video project. I believe the combination of two less-than-stellar students and an above-average control-freak makes for a volatile situation. But on the bright side, I appreciate that my son is choosing to open up and vent to me!

As always, we are a work in progress!