Happy 2016!

In reflecting back on 2015, I'd call it "The Year of Gratitude".  There is so much to be grateful for. We may never be fully reconciled but I am content for where we are today. Colin is able to peacefully coexist in our home, he has been maintaining Honor Roll status at school while keeping a full and challenging schedule.We try to give him as much control over his life as possible which seems to be working.

The most noticeable "quirks" would be his preference for riding in the back of the car in complete silence. To accommodate our son, we keep the car radio off and tend to be quiet unless spoken to. I've learned to keep my questions and answers to a minimum as per Colin's original demand of "no unnecessary conversation".

He prefers to spend time in his room with minimal parental involvement, not unlike his older brothers. We have been concerned about his sleep schedule and the amount of time spent playing video games, however as long as he is maintaining his 4.0 GPA and able to continue with his other activities, we are keeping quiet.

To the untrained eye, our son would appear to be a neuro-typical teen.

Christmas Break 

The holidays have been blissfully uneventful. Eldest has been home for a few weeks now. He has helped take Colin to most of his swim practices, staying to swim with the team. I'm sure that Colin appreciated the interaction with his big brother. As a result, he had a 100% attendance rate for holiday practices and earned a free "Breakfast of Champions" this morning after lifting.

Christmas Day was quiet. The gifts were minimal due to the fact that no one asked for much. Colin asked for and received a new desk for his room. The boys also got mini drones as "Santa-Dad" felt the need to buy them each a toy. There was also money and gift cards from family and the usual candy-filled stockings.

The best gift that I received was a peaceful house and to see my boys get along.

This past Saturday, we made the 90 minute drive to see the in-laws. We took Sumter along for the ride and set up his crate and pen in their garage while we went to dinner. Our first stop after dropping off the pup and picking up Grandmommy  was to visit Granddaddy at the nursing home. He is in an Alzheimer Care Center, which is an uncomfortable place for teens. Colin was quiet but well-behaved.

Dinner and the rest of the visit went well.As did the rest of the weekend.

Back to the Grind

This morning was a bit tough for Colin. It took me several attempts to wake him. I also found that his laundry was still in the machines. I unloaded the dryer and put the damp clothes from the washer into the newly emptied dryer. I then proceeded to fold laundry in Colin's room until I was kicked out. Sometimes I have to be annoying to get the kid to wake up and get ready for school.

After Colin packed his lunch and bags, we were able to leave on time and make it to the athletic center for 6:15 a.m. lifting with over 10 minutes to spare!

Score one for the annoying mom!

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

Consequences

"Mom! I still have homework" he said in an exasperated tone. I swallowed the lecture that was bubbling up and ready to spew out. No good would come of this. I remained silent. We were almost at the high school and roughly 25 -30 minutes behind schedule.

I had the morning all planned out. My car was running on empty so I would pack up the pup and get gas on the way to his doggie daycare. I would then drop Sumter at 7:30 and be able to get to my work by 8:00 a.m. Middle son was supposed to take his brother to school. Somehow Colin decided he wanted to leave 20 minutes later and I would take him.

I told him that I needed to get gas and take Sumter to daycare. Colin responded that he could study in the car. After I filled up I proceeded to head to the doggie daycare and Colin was alarmed. He realized the dog was going to be dropped off first and he would be later than he hoped.

We pulled up to the High School drop off at 7:55. There was a half hour before the official start of the school day. Hopefully my passive-agressive message was received. I won't always change my schedule at the drop of a hat.

There are consequences.

The Rest of The Week

It's already Friday and the week has flown by. Colin is still struggling with a crazy sleep schedule. It is tough to wake him up most mornings. He gathers up papers off the printer, makes his lunch and scurries about. I am becoming the main source of transportation in the mornings. And evenings!

I pick him up after swim practice, around 6:00 p.m. We then drive to pick up the pup from doggie daycare. During the car ride, Colin falls asleep on the back seat and it is tough to get him out of the car when we arrive home. He then promptly goes to either the 1st floor half-bath or the upstairs master bath and falls asleep for a several-hours long nap.

Upon waking up around 10 p.m., he has dinner, retreats to his room and hopefully starts homework. At some point there is a late-late-night snack and lights are left on in the kitchen and basement. At 5:00 a.m.(M,W,F) or 6:00 a.m. (Tu, Th) I find him in his room sleeping behind the couch on his giant stuffed dog, wrapped in a blanket.

After a few attempts, I wake him up and begin the routine all over again.

Concerns

We are a bit concerned about sleep schedule but are trying to let Colin self-regulate as long as he maintains his good grades (currently a 4.02).  I have noticed a slight backsliding in behavior. There are more frequent shushes and I heard a few "Die!"s this week when he is intruded upon. I also heard at least one "Thank You" after I performed one of my many acts of kindness.

We are remaining calm and steady while Colin navigates a full schedule of school, swimming,  jazz band and quiz team. It is tough to maintain distance to let our son work things out but I believe it to be critical to do so. He will ask for help when he needs it most.

I will try to remain upbeat and grateful.

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

Happy Friday!

Finding Remarkable in the Mundane

Another week has been flying by. High school swim season has started and we are getting a new routine in place. While it seems like we are continuing to make progress toward reconciliation, the most noteworthy event is that Colin slept in a bed for the second time since he's been home. Also worth mentioning is that he seems to be opening up more on the car rides home. The trick is to be quiet and listen.

4 Day Weekend

The boys had Thursday and Friday off from school last week. Therefore there were some late nights. Thursday morning I woke up extra early due to a sinus headache and went to the loft (now my 2nd bedroom) to lie down for a bit before getting up to feed the dog and start my day.

As I was about to climb into the bottom bunk bed, I felt a leg and realized there was a body. Apparently after watching videos with his middle-brother in the room they used to share, he was too tired to make the trek to his basement room and collapsed in his former bed which now resides in the loft.

He slept until mid-afternoon until he woke with a panic. Colin burst into his brother's room to wake him. He needed a ride to afternoon swim practice.

When I called home to ask my 17 year old what time I needed to pick his brother up, I was warned. Colin may not be in a great mood.

Good Cop

I inquired why and was told that Colin was complaining that he was going to be late to practice and did not want to be disrespectful to the team. My middle-son launched into a tirade about how he felt disrespected. Not sure what else was said but I was told that it was not pretty.

I replied that I do my best to make the ride pleasant and bring a box filled with a wide variety of snacks. Colin is hungry when I pick him up after workouts and we usually pick the dog up next which extends the trip back home. Middle-son said that I will be a hero next to him.

Sure enough, that afternoon, I had a chatty boy complaining about his older brother. He also told me about his classes and some test scores he was not happy with and hoped to improve on. What I remember most about the conversation is that my son was in a relatively good mood, seemed to appreciate the snacks and was slowly starting to open up more about his life.

Progress

The rest of the weekend, I barely saw my miso-son, other than to drive him to a swim practice and a school event with his brother while Dad took the other mini-van into the shop.

Monday was relatively uneventful and Tuesday morning I had a nice surprise. When I went down to his room to wake him, Colin was up and dressed and seemed to be in a great mood. He was just finishing up some homework and told me he had a great night's sleep. "I got around 7 hours last night!" he exclaimed while he got up from his couch and stretched.

This morning was an average early morning. I woke Colin up at 5:15 a.m. so he could get ready for his 6:15 a.m. practice. I had to check in 10 minutes later for a second reminder. I asked if he needed a towel and he said yes. Without asking, I opened his swim bag, removed the wet towel from the day before (he should be doing this when he gets home) and threw his damp swim things into the dryer. I resisted the urge to scold him like I would have done to his brothers and reminded myself how lucky I am to be able to do this for my son.

We rode in silence until we got to the school. We were a little early which gave Colin a chance to tie his shoes and slowly gather his belongings.

As I pulled away from the high school exercise facility, I took a moment for silent gratitude.

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

Life in Asterisks *****

Recently the first quarter grades for the boys' high school came out. Following close behind was the Honor and Merit Roll List. Both Colin and his middle brother made Honor Roll but Colin had an * next to his name. This meant he was at a 4.0 or above. He is my first boy to achieve this honor and we are quite proud.

I just have to keep reminding myself of this when I want to reprimand my son for his night-owl schedule!

Sleep Schedule

Swim season started this week. This involves 9 practices a week. Monday, Wednesday and Friday there is an early morning session that starts at 6:15 a.m. I don't mind being the driver as this allows me to get to work early and have my husband transport the dog to daycare. This is my busy season at work and I need to find ways to have more time in my office.

Last night I could not sleep so I went to the loft so my tossing and turning would not disturb my husband. It was just after 1:00 a.m. and I could hear Colin in his room through the heating vent. The sounds of him yelling out while gaming on his laptop came wafting up the duct work. In four more hours he needed to be up! I was not amused!

I marched down to the basement to find my son still in his school clothes, huddled in front of his computer. I scolded him for being up so late and told him the game needed to end and he should be asleep by now. Colin scoffed at my dismay and told me he had a nap earlier and is fine. I responded with a threat. "If that game is not shut down, I will not wake you to get ready for practice."

I went back upstairs as he continued to play. As I laid back down to try to go to sleep, I noticed the absence of game sounds and soon after he came upstairs to brush his teeth. I decided to cut him a break and wake my son in a few hours. It took two tries and we made it to practice on time.

As much as I wanted to lecture my son, I kept silent and decided to be grateful. Our lives have gotten back to normal*. (*new normal)

Sometimes you just have to suck it up and call the glass half-full. We need to pick and choose our battles. As long as Colin is relatively healthy and getting good grades, I will try to be cautious not to upset the delicate balance of our household.

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

Soup!

Tuesday night I had the most delicious cup of soup. It was "Chicken Pot Pie" and had been in the refrigerator since Thursday night. What made it especially tasty was that Colin brought it home for me from his cross-country dinner that night. This act of kindness was truly appreciated and shows that the anger toward my husband and I continues to dissipate. Another bit of progress!

Fall Break 

 

Eldest came home Wednesday night for a 4-day weekend. It was nice to have him back. I think Colin missed his brother as well. Friday night we went out to dinner sans middle-son, who opted to nap through suppertime and declined our invite. Colin sat next to his big brother and asked about college life. I was happy to see them get along.

The evening went fairly well, other than Colin's constant sniffling. He has been battling a cold for the last week or two. Unfortunately, he ended up missing the last cross-country meet of the season on Saturday due to his illness and went to the doctor instead to make sure he did not have strep throat.

Good news is no strep, however he has a preauricular sinus or ear pit at the top of his ear that was filled with pus. If this continues to happen, he may need ear surgery. He's had this since birth but did not seem to be an issue until recently.

Taxi Driver

Lately I have become a chauffeur for Colin. More often than not, he has me drive him to school. His brother has to leave the house early to be able to drop Colin off at the high school on his way to morning classes at a nearby college.

I've been trying to wake Colin early. He seems to drag his feet and is not ready for his ride yet is ready and raring to go 15-20 minutes later. I'm not sure why. Does he really need those extra minutes?, is he afraid of his brother's driving? does he want to go with me because I usually take the dog in the car or does he want to be with me? Hubs has offered to help drop the dog on these mornings and now that I am getting busier at work, I am taking him up on it. We'll see if we take Sumter out of the equation if this changes things for Colin. It is a bit stressful to have to do drop off AND pick up in the afternoon as this shortens my workday.
Middle-son has play rehearsal after school and this would require Colin to hangout until 6:45 p.m. Thankfully, only a few more weeks left until the production!

I remind myself that we are so lucky that he is doing well in school and seems to be managing at home.
I try to be thankful for the chance to be with my son in a car!

*taking a deep breath and letting go.*

I do have a few concerns.

• Colin is on a crazy sleep schedule. Upon arriving home after school, there is usually a several-hours-long nap involved, followed by a late-night dinner. His middle-brother does the same thing.

• Many mornings, I find Colin wrapped in a blanket in his room, either on the floor or the sofa, with books open and lights on. I have no idea how late he is up nor if his homework is done.

• Lately we've noticed yelling and swearing coming up from Colin's basement room through the air duct. This is happening late at night. A few nights ago my husband noticed this at 1:00 a.m. He went down to check and Colin was up playing a video game. It's not the yelling and swearing that has me concerned as this seems to be part of getting involved in "battle", it's the fact he is up this late on a school night.

Although we are concerned with sleep patterns and gaming on a school night, we are taking a wait and see approach. Colin is maintaining Honor Roll status with a 4.0. He is taking difficult classes and seems to be keeping up. We will keep a watchful eye. At this point we don't want to take any action unless grades start slipping or we start seeing troubling behavior.

Until then.... We are a Work-In-Progress!

Driving Mr.Colin

It seems like lately I've become a bit of a chauffeur to Colin; my mini van his suburban stretch limousine. My car has the stow-n-go seats and I typically have the middle row stowed below for extra transport and storage space. Most days the back bench seat is reserved for taking Sumter to daycare.

Yesterday Colin was running late and told his brother to leave without him. When I got back from my early morning walk with the dog, I was told to hurry up. I quickly got ready for work, put my makeup on and had Sumter hop in the back with Colin. Off we went, with Colin stressing about getting to school late. I remained silent as we pulled up at 7:30, pretty much on time. Even though the pup's leash was attached to a seat belt he managed to get out of the car. Fortunately I was able to coax him in with a treat so Colin could get to his locker with plenty of time to spare.

The afternoon was another trip down to school to pick up my son as his brother had play practice followed by a piano lesson. Colin hopped in the car and seemed to be in a good mood. Turns out he wasn't feeling in great shape so he skipped cross country practice and went to his quiz team practice instead.

He asked about his puppy and I told him we were going to pick up Sumter on our way home. He then started to tell me about a video game he wanted. "It's only $15...." I asked about it and my son was more than happy to tell me all about a game called "Counter Strike Global Offensive" by Valve Corp. He described it to be similar to Call of Duty and it has been around for awhile. Apparently some of his friends at school are into it.

That's all I needed to hear. I told him that it should be o.k. but he needed to ask his dad.

Once we picked up Sumter and headed home, Colin fell asleep in the car. He was pretty groggy and went right to sleep on the couch once inside our home. After taking care of the dog, I also took a nap. At 8:00 p.m., Colin woke up in a panic. He yelled out, "Oh No!"  "Why did you let me sleep so long!" I think he thought it was morning and that he was going to be late for school.

T.G.I.F.

Different day, same start. Colin had a hard time getting ready for school and I ended up having to drive him. This time I arranged for hubs to get the dog to daycare. We were concerned that Colin may have been up late playing his new game. As we were heading out, I asked if he had bought the game yet. Turns out he needed to ask his dad some questions so no, he did not purchase it with his pre-paid Visa card that dad gave him.

Colin told me a bit more about the game. After a few moments of silence, I pushed my luck and asked another question. "Is there a game tonight?" to which he replied with a "Shush!" That was my cue to be quiet. I was silent the rest of the ride.

I pulled up and opened the door at the drop off point, Colin made it to school on time. Another fairly successful trip. Truth be told, I don't mind the drive. It gives me that chance to be in the same space as my son for a brief period. Something I did not know would be possible in the not-to-distant past.


As always, we are a work-in-progress!

An Apology of Sorts

Last night I wanted to finish Colin's laundry from the night before. I had a bucket of whites. He was in the shower so I loaded the washer and waited for him to get out of the bathroom.

As he was finishing up, I knocked on the door and asked for any additional whites he might need laundered.
I made one last attempt when he was in his room. I was shushed and told to go away both times. I heeded his warnings and started the machine with what was already loaded.

Later that evening, while the clothes were in the dryer, Colin was upstairs again to talk to his brother. On the way back down the stairs, he poked his head into the loft area where I was watching t.v.

He mumbled something about being stressed-out about some classwork , which is why he did not want to answer my questions earlier.

I told him that his clothes should be ready to be taken out of the dryer. I swear I heard him mutter "Thanks."

Hard to tell. I do think he was trying to be conciliatory. Another bit of progress, for which I am grateful.

As always, we are a work-in-progress!