Friday, January 10, 2014

Meeting with the Psychologist

Yesterday afternoon my husband and I had an appointment with our Cognitive Behavioral Psychologist to get an update on Colin. It's been around two weeks since my sister and I have agreed to cease communications for the time-being. I feel that the news black-out has been helpful to lower stress levels for everyone. We will have to depend on reports from our CBT Team.

Earlier in the day, my nephew (sister's oldest son) stopped by for a lunchtime visit before heading back to college today. I am so glad he took the initiative to call me and visit as I had been keeping my distance out of respect for my sister and my son. We had a nice visit and I did get enough information to know that things were not as bad as I had feared

Our psychologist confirmed this. Progress is being made in baby steps. I imagine the hardest part for my sister is having patience. Patience in spades. She is a type-A, results-oriented person and is having to learn not to expect big "break-though" moments. Parenting is hard work. It is an even more daunting task to take on someone else's child; especially a challenging boy like Colin. Her last report had me thinking that things had gone horribly wrong. Thankfully this was not the case.

Two weeks ago, Colin walked out of his session when things got too uncomfortable for him. The therapist has been introducing expectations, rewards and consequences. The expectation going forward is that our son is to expect weekly visits and the requirement that he stay in the room the whole time. If he starts to get upset with the conversation, he is to tell the therapist that he wants to end the discussion.

This week Colin was able to fill out his worksheet and discuss some of his issues. This is HUGE for us and better than expected. It will be some time before he is able to take "ownership" for his situation. Our psychologist stressed that it is important not to use the word "blame". We have also been appraised that progress will be slow and in tiny increments.

I have seen first hand that after opening the door a crack and seeing some light, it can slam shut when pushed further. I have learned that the miso-child needs to have some sense of control over their situation. There needs to be care when gently prodding for information and dialog not to push too hard and know when to stop.

As I have said before..."It is important to not get too far ahead of ourselves and take it one day at a time. Baby steps.... for a 12 year old baby."

We are a work-in-progress!

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