Sunday, December 7, 2014

Brotherly Love

 Swim season is now in full swing. The boys are on a rigorous schedule that involves nine practices a week, included three that start at 6:15 a.m. I try to do my part by taking Sumter down to Colin's room to wake him up. My eldest will prod and hustle his brothers along to make sure they get to practice on time.

A few weeks ago (November 17)  I found this note in Colin's room right after the boys left for practice.
"Colin - Pack Lunch, Bag, Backpack, and clothes or -receive punishment from older brothers"

 Sometimes I wonder who the parent is. Makes my job easier.I don't know what we would do without our older boys.



Post to Parent Group - November 29

I recently found out something that is helping my son at school. He goes to an all-boys high school and is a freshman. We had a couple of "hiccups" in the beginning of the school year and were able to get some assistance from the guidance office. My husband had asked what it would take to be able to have extra time on tests and was told that all it would take is a doctor's note.
We are aware of several ADHD boys that are able to do this. My husband got a note from our pediatrician and submitted it to the school on the off-chance the note might come in handy. We are unable to have meaningful conversations with our son so we left it up to the guidance office to work with our son.
I noticed an uptick in grades and our son currently has a 4.0 for this grading period. I chalked it up to figuring out the system and better study habits. While I am sure this is part of it, due to a chance conversation with a teacher (my eldest's History teacher) we learned that my freshman-son was observed coming late to band practice. We asked my eldest about this and found out that our son has been taking advantage of extended-time tests.
I wish I was able to speak with my "miso"-son to get better information. We feel so fortunate to have such a supportive school.

Catching Up

It has been a few weeks since my last post. I've been swamped at work and struggle to find the time to blog. Just a few more weeks until my busy season will be over.

Overall Colin is doing much better than I could have hoped for a year ago. He seems to be engaged and doing well in school. However, I have seen more frequent "hate messages" of either "Go kill yourself" or how the dog wants to kill us. He even added a new one, "You're gonna die alone."

I've asked my older boys about this. No one knows what goes on in Colin's head. My middle-son thinks that all the swim practices might be tiring his brother out and causing a bit more stress. My eldest son thinks he may be partly to blame for pushing his brother around to get to school on time and to tow-the-line. I have been responding more often than I did in the past to his disses. Perhaps the combination of all of this has helped escalate the situation a bit. I've gone back to avoiding my son and ignoring his disrespectful comments.

I have noticed that when I whip out my cell phone to record bad behavior, it suddenly stops. Colin also is careful not to let his eldest brother witness any of his hateful messages. He knows that his brother will give him a smack. I am faced with either disciplining my child and instilling fear or ignoring him unless he speaks respectfully. For now, I am choosing the non-violent, non-confrontational way as long as he is not disruptive to the family. Colin is 1000% better that he was before he left our home last year.

We had a successful  Thanksgiving dinner with family. Colin has been willing and able to visit and interact with his aunts, uncles and cousins, although it takes him a bit to warm up. Tonight he skipped a family dinner due to a busy weekend and a ton of unfinished homework He politely declined and was able to stay home alone with his dog. We are glad that he is making a great effort in school.

For now I will be content as long as we continue to make progress, no matter how slowly.

We are a work-in-progress!

1 comment:

  1. My daughter, who is 20 and has suffered with Misophonia since the age of 8 has been reading your blog with me. Your struggle and Colin's has really moved us.
    I am also an Emergency Physician with 28 years of experience and I am very concerned about the behaviors you are describing where your son repeats his 'hate messages', especially in a quiet or sing-song voice, through the dog, and that he does it only with you and your husband and doesn't allow it to be public. This does not seem to have any relation to misophonia triggers, but could indicate another condition. I strongly recommend, for you and for your son's safety and well-being, that you talk with his doctor and/or a Behavioral Health Professional about these behaviors.