Monday, July 28, 2014

Another Breakthrough

Post to Parent Support Group July 23

I just got a call at work from my middle-son. In a hushed voice he said "The deed is done!" He was able to speak to Colin about going to the all-boys high school that my older boys attend. The deal is "no extra-curricular activities" and that his 16 year-old brother will take him to Tim Horton's on Fridays.
I find the Tim Horton's part a bit suspect as my 16 year-old is always trying to find ways to go there. I do however owe him a pizza-movie night at our house for his friends this weekend for doing my bidding (we still can't talk to our son for any length of time). ( I'm totally glad to do this). My 17 year old has offered to give a tour of the school soon. 

I think we have a week to confirm everything with the high school as they were kind enough to hold a spot open due to our circumstances. Bit by bit things are coming together and slowly improving.
I will savor this small victory and try not to look too far into the future.

 One of the difficult choices that has to be made is to decide when to get my other boys involved in communicating with Colin. While our situation is soooo much better than expected, my husband and I are not able to have any type of real conversation with our son. When he needs help with his computer, Colin is able to sit with his Dad and have normal interactions as long as it is related to his interest or desire. Most times we are met with a shush or shut-up depending on the mood. There are times when I feel like we have no other option but to ask our other sons to intervene.

Wheelin' and Dealin' 

Time is flying by and before we know it school will be back in session. We needed a decision on where Colin is going to attend High School. He has two choices: the local public High School or the private all-boys school that his brothers attend. E-schooling is not a realistic option as Dad is strongly opposed and we have a child who is not willing to openly and respectfully communicate with his parents.

My middle-son wanted to have a few friends over for a movie night. I seized the opportunity and made a deal. I would throw in pizza and fresh-baked cookies if he would speak to his baby brother and convince him to go to their school. Due to Colin's situation, the private school would give him a fresh start and same-sex education is less distracting. We had been advised by a friend who is a high school teacher that due to the fact Colin skipped a grade and is physically and emotionally immature, the all-boys high school would be the best choice.The private school had been apprised of our situation and has been holding a spot open for Colin. The guidance counselor had even offered to allow our eldest son to give a private tour to his brother. 

After I received the mid-day phone call from my middle-son, I was so happy and relieved that I posted (see above post in blue) to my parent support group. I was able to find out more details of the negotiations later. Colin told his brothers that he does not want anyone to know he is related to them and will not do any extra-curricular activities until they are out of school. Eldest offered to give a tour which will hopefully happen this week.

The Burning Question is Answered

One of the many unanswered questions for me was  "Are my husband and I now triggers?". Colin's triggers were mostly machine-made noises not people-sounds. I had been wondering if the Shushes and Shut-Ups were triggered reactions to us. I now know that this is not likely.

During the negotiations with his brother, he let them know that we all have "ruined my life". His anger and refusal to converse with my husband and I is most-likely due to blaming us for the past year's events. Anger not a neurological issue is the culprit.

Hopefully with time, we will get to a point of reconciliation. 

Until then we have much to do before school starts...... As always, we are a work-in-progress!

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