23andMe & Misophonia

A short time ago,  the evening of Thursday, Jun 11 to be exact, I was lounging on the couch, watching television when my husband walks into the room.

"Did you get my email?" he inquired.

When I asked for a little more information, he told me to just go read it. I begrudgingly went to my computer to retrieve his message, more than a little irritated that he could not just tell me.

When I pulled up the message in question, I about fell out of my chair. I could not believe what I was seeing:

If this email isn’t displaying correctly, view it in your browser. June 2015 Sensitive to Certain Sounds? Hi , People who get unusually annoyed by everyday noises might have misophonia, which literally means a "hatred of sound." Though little is known about the causes of misophonia, a recent 23andMe study reveals that genetics may play a role. About 20 percent of 23andMe customers describe themselves as "filled with rage" by the sound of other people chewing, so the condition may be common. Check out your new report to learn more about how genetics might affect your reaction to chewing sounds. See my report Follow us on You are receiving this email because you are a customer of 23andMe.  I was stunned. I was then told to read part two. I am pasting parts of it below. It is important to note that 23andMe would have no way of knowing our issues with our son. The significance is HUGE. The power of "Big Data" in the form of customer surveys makes a case for a significant percent of our population having this disorder. This may be the breakthrough that is needed to get researchers and the medical community to take notice. And now, the rest of the story from 23andMe: Sensitivity to the Sound of Chewing (Misophonia) Are you annoyed by everyday noises such as the sound of other people chewing? You may have a mild case of misophonia: literally a "hatred of sound". Misophonia can be brought on by a variety of sounds made by other people including breathing, nail clipping, footsteps, and, most commonly, eating. About 20% of 23andMe customers describe themselves as "filled with rage" by the sound of other people chewing, suggesting that misophonia may be quite common. Furthermore, female 23andMe customers are almost 30% more likely to report this sensitivity than male customers. Unfortunately, misophonia has not been well studied by scientists and very little is known about its causes. An internal study at 23andMe, however, shows that genetics may play a role. Keep in mind that: This report describes study findings observed in groups of people. The findings may not be representative of you as an individual. The genetic markers reported here are associated with normal variation and generally have very small effects on the trait. Many factors besides those described here may influence this trait. Genotype Genetic Result GG Slightly higher odds of being sensitive to the sound of chewing.. AG Typical odds of being sensitive to the sound of chewing. AA Slightly lower odds of being sensitive to the sound of chewing.

For More Information, See 23andMe June 4 Blog Post:
http://blog.23andme.com/23andme-research/something-to-chew-on/

Happy "Gotcha Day"

Today is "Gotcha Day". It is the one year anniversary of getting our puppy and bringing our son back home. It was a nerve wracking experience, not unlike bringing a newborn baby home. We had just finished building the sound-proofed room in the basement. It was the start of Summer vacation. We had no idea how reintegration would go.

Would the changes to our house be enough? Could our son be able to live peacefully with us? Would he reestablish a relationship with his brothers?

Today is also my middle son's birthday. Last year was not a great one. All of our focus was on our youngest who not only got a new room but a puppy on his brother's birthday.

Birthday Celebration

Today we had so much to celebrate. We made a big deal over my 17 year-old's special day. After he came home from work, we went out to dinner. Then back home for cake and gifts.

Colin has seemed very interested lately in coming up with suggestions for gifts for his brothers. He's been asking what we were planning to give our eldest for high school graduation as well as showing an interest in what his middle brother was going to get for his birthday. When I asked what he thought we should do, a video game system was suggested for both. This is not a good idea for a soon-to-be college student but was duly noted for our middle-son.

The younger two wanted a certain game which is only out for the X-Box 1(newest X-Box). Hubs went all out & bought the new system with the game and an extra controller for the birthday boy. Middle-son was so excited we got big hugs. Colin was just as excited and surprised me with jumping in for a group hug. (the 1st in 2 years). He is upstairs now, in his brother's room helping set up the system. This is by far the happiest our house has been in a long time! 

Year-End Review

For the most part, Colin seems to be behaving like a fairly normal teen. The school year was fairly successful. Colin has been maintaining Honor Roll status and appears to be happy at his new school. He is famous for his study guides and has a group of friends he has been sharing study notes with.

My husband and I have been careful to limit our interactions with our son to allow Colin to initiate most conversation. He is most irritable in the mornings and I am careful not to make eye-contact and to steer clear of my son if possible. Since his return home, Colin has been able to control his reactions to former triggers so that it is hard to know what still bothers him. He is so good that his eldest brother thinks Colin is fine now.

Unfortunately I know that is not the case. Recently I had to pick Colin up from a volunteer gig and it started to rain. I heard a squeeking sound and looked in my rear view mirror to see what it might be. Turns out I left my back wipers on. I caught a glimpse of Colin with a towel over his head. I have not seen this behavior in the past year and am fairly sure this is his way to cope with the windshield wipers.

He also mutters under his breath. I recently caught a few swear words during a car trip. I am choosing to ignore this behavior. I have exceptionally good hearing and I believe this to be a coping mechanism.

As we begin this Summer break, we have much to be grateful for. Our boys seem to be getting along well. Colin will be taking a Summer gym course as well as a SAT-prep class. Cross country practice should be starting soon as well.

Fingers crossed for a routine Summer where Normal shall be celebrated at every chance.

As always, We are a Work-In-Progress.

Mother's Day Report

It seems like we have settled into a new normal. It has been almost a month since my last report. It has been relatively peaceful at home. I try to keep my interactions with Colin to a minimum and let him initiate most conversation. This seems to work.

Play time

When Colin needs something, he will ask. A week ago he mentioned that there was a play at school that he could earn extra credit in a class if he went to see it.He apologized for the short notice and I offered to drive him. On the way to the school, Colin told me that the show was only about an hour or so and I decided to stay. He sat near some classmates and I moved further down the row so not to stigmatize him. I held my breath on the way home while using turn signals but have seen no reaction so far to former triggers.

Shopping Trip

Friday Night was "Mom Prom", followed by Junior / Senior Prom on Saturday night. My middle-son agreed to escort me to the dinner dance, He also had a date for the prom. He decided against renting a tux and we agreed that a new suit would do.

Tuesday, we went shopping for a suit for my son and a new dress for me at Macy's. Luckily we both found outfits but my son needed his suit pants hemmed. I arranged to come back Thursday night to pick up the suit. Upon the return home I found that Colin needed new pants as he seems to be going through a much-needed growth spurt.. He and his eldest brother also needed haircuts and I took them that night.

Thursday evening, I asked Colin if he wanted to come with me to the store to pick up the suit so he could find some slacks. He said, "Sure" and hopped in the car with me. I had the radio on and I could hear him "Shush". I peered into the rear-view mirror and he looked uncomfortable. I asked if he wanted the radio turned off and he said "Sure".

When we got to Macy's I instructed Colin to go to the boy's department while I took care of picking up the suit and looking for a wrap for my dress. I returned to find Colin had picked out two pairs of dress slacks and was ready to check out. I was so excited that not only did he find school-appropriate pants on his own, they were also on sale. I neglected to look at the washing instructions. My husband was none too pleased that these were dry-clean only. We will have to remind Colin to change his clothes when he comes home as he will play with the dog and sometimes sleep in his school clothes.

Other Tidbits

We have started to consider building a new home on land we have owned for over 16 years. We've been looking at model homes to get ideas.

A few weeks ago my husband and I saw a model that was close to what we wanted. I took the boys out to see the home to get their opinions. Colin has indicated that he would be fine with a room in the basement with no windows. I was pretty sure he would like this home. As we headed into the lower level, there was a ceiling fan twirling in the main area. Colin immediately went to the wall switches and fumbled to turn it off. His middle-brother saw what was happening and jumped in to help.

We both noticed that Colin seemed agitated and immediately left the vicinity and headed back upstairs. We instinctively knew that Colin needed some time to regain his composure. This is the first time since Colin has been back home that I was sure that I witnessed a triggered reaction. I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, I had validation that he still was affected by triggers and that he was able to control his reactions to some degree. On the other hand, I was dismayed at his discomfort.


Speaking of discomfort, we have an issue with the basement room. Bugs. We have the normal amount that you would expect in a basement. Unfortunately more than is acceptable in a sleeping room.We will vacuum bugs up when they are spotted but the ick-factor remains.

 Colin slept on the living room couch last night. He had mentioned to his middle-brother that he might want to take over his eldest brother's room when he goes off to college in the fall. Not sure how that will work out, we'll have to wait and see.

I am encouraged that there has been some progress toward reconciliation, although we still have a ways to go. We are much better off than we were a year ago and for that I am extremely grateful!

As always, we are a work-in-progress!

Weekend Update

As Spring Break was coming to a close, I had to stay over at my sister's house Saturday night. She had to attend an out-of-town event with her husband and her 17 year old son wanted to stay behind. He also wanted to have a few friends sleep over. I was to watch over the house and dog and make sure both were still standing when my sister and brother-in-law returned.

Colin ended up coming with me so he could visit with the dog. We haven't been to the house for a while and Colin may have ready for a change of scenery after a week of being mostly house-bound.

While we did not speak during the half-hour car ride and had minimal contact at the house, the trip was a success. When my son was finally ready for dinner, he asked me if I could pick up Wendy's for him. He also helped me with the t.v. in the family room as I did not know how to figure out all the steps to making it work.

At one point, one of my sister's friends came to visit and Colin sat with us in the living room and participated in our conversation. I was so impressed with how normal it all seemed. When my son was out of earshot, the  friend congratulated me on the progress.

Colin stayed camped-out in the living room with his laptop and blanket and spent the night bundled up on a soft chair. I slept in his old room. We hung out until 1:00 p.m. and headed back home. The house was still standing, none the worse for wear, the guests were well-behaved and the dog enjoyed the extra attention. Best of all is the lack of bad-behavior or disrespect from my son.

We may never get back to where we were before "Miso" reared it's ugly head but I am ecstatic at how far we have come.

As always, we are a work-in-progress.

Checkups and Checking-in

The boys are on Spring Break this week. This was the perfect time to schedule doctor and dentist visits. Yesterday morning, Eldest and Colin had their semi-annual dental checkups. (Middle-son is overseas on a school trip to Italy and Greece.) Later in the day, Colin had his annual exam at the pediatrician.

I am happy to say, both events went smoothly. No news is good news from the dentist. When it was close to the time for the pediatric appointment, Dad came to my work and switched cars with me so he could take Colin. Eldest had the other mini-van and we've been mindful not to use the Miata for transporting our sound-sensitive son as this noisy car used to be a huge stressor. Colin has not voiced any objections or shown any obvious signs of distress over former triggers but we are trying to be careful to avoid any potential irritants.

Hubs reported that Colin has grown 2 inches since his last visit 8 months ago. This is great news. We were concerned that he had not grown much the prior year and is small for his age. He is now 5' 2" at 14 years old, only 1 inch behind his brothers at that age. They are now around 5'10" at 16 & 18 years old, so Colin should hopefully catch up in a few years.

Colin was well-behaved for both appointments and seemed in a relatively good mood. When home at last, Dad was subjected to a few shushes which signaled it was time to leave our son alone.

Volunteer of the Year

The boys are required to volunteer a certain amount of hours as part of their High School education. Colin has been helping out at the local Irish Club, working events such as Fish Dinners. The work is relatively easy and the boys are sometimes rewarded with left-overs to take home. He had such a good time, he decided to put in extra hours to work ahead (unlike his brothers who waited until the last minute). Colin even worked on his birthday!

When picking our son up from a recent event, the volunteer coordinator came up to my husband. The supervisor wanted us to know that Colin is a hard worker and the best volunteer he has ever had.

Something to savor, along with the containers of food he brings home!

New Normal

As time goes on, we are achieving a new normal. We leave our son alone as much as possible. Colin spends quite a bit of time in his basement room and is able to have more cordial interactions with us. There are still the snippets of "bad behavior" ,which are fairly minor and becoming less frequent, such as quietly telling the dog "Kill" or "attack" or the occasional shushes and glares. It helps to give our son as much space and control as possible.

Colin continues to get good grades (3.9 avg.) and is consistently making Honor Roll. He also remains active at school in extra-curricular activities. He is now on the Ultimate Frisbee team with his eldest brother, and Engineering Team and NAQT (Quiz Team) with his middle-brother. He seems the happiest he has been in school. Middle-son tells me that Colin has friends and seems to be liked. This is such a relief. Our son is doing so much better than we had hoped for.

The biggest area of concern is the "unknown". Our son uses much of his free-time for online gaming and sits for hours in front of his laptop wearing his headset. He has set up a Skype account to communicate with his gaming buddies as they play. While this is considered a normal part of play, I am a little worried about his interacting  online with strangers. So far, there have been no "red flags" but I will continue to look for any.

The hard reality is that it is near impossible to protect our children from the world.

As always...... We are a work-in-progress!

Happy Birthday, Colin - 2015

Yesterday was Colin's 14th birthday. I got up early and went to Tim Horton's to buy a dozen donuts and a box of Tim Bits to start the day. Colin seemed in a decent mood and I made sure to have minimal contact to keep it that way.

He put on his new forest green dress shirt and tartan-plaid tie that I bought him this past weekend. What a difference a year makes. Last year we could not be under the same roof and refused to accept any cards or gifts from us. He accepted his birthday donuts which was shared with his brothers and took the Tim Bits to school with him.

We had to delay going out for a birthday dinner as Colin had signed up to help with a Fish Fry fundraising dinner at a local Irish Club to get his required volunteer hours in. When he came home, we celebrated with an ice cream cake. I was delighted that we were able to sing to him and I was able to get some photos.

The only blemish on the day is that my middle-son was not shy in voicing his resentment to me. Colin came home on his 16 year old brother's birthday. To make matters worse, that was the same day we picked up Sumter. I have no doubt that without this puppy, we would not have been as successful in bringing our son home. Unfortunately middle-son views this as his brother getting a gift of a dog and taking away the spotlight from the birthday boy.

This teenage angst is working my last nerve!

Other than the simmering resentment from his brother, Colin seems to have had a good week. Wednesday, Colin and his eldest brother performed in a high school band concert; Colin on trombone, his brother on trumpet. We were able to have a nice dinner afterwards. I really cherish these bouts of normalcy.

Tonight we have family coming into town and will dine out. I am delighted that Colin is on-board with the plans and not the least bit hesitant.

Time to start to get ready!

As always.... we are a work-in-progress!

Team Spirit

This morning I had to take Colin and his middle-brother to school by 6:00 a.m. They are part of the Engineering team at school and they are traveling by bus to take part in a High School competition. The boy who said he would not do any school activities with his brothers nor claim them as being related seems to have long forgotten his proclamation back in July. Colin is active in school clubs and sports and is maintaining an Honor Roll status. He currently has a 3.9 GPA.

The Final Plunge

High School swim season is now over. Two weeks ago,  my eldest son made it to "Districts" in the 100 Breaststroke. We had to leave at the crack of dawn for a 90 minute car ride to the all-day swim meet. While my middle-son slept-in, Colin chose to come along to cheer his teammates on. Perhaps due to his eldest brother's presence, he was on his best behavior. During the car ride, I was only subjected to a couple of shushes when I was talking.

Colin sat with me up in the stands, was able to tell me where he was going when he left and politely asked for money when he wanted to buy some lunch. He even brought back my change. The only odd behavior was when we were ready to leave and had to wait for my senior to change and pose for a team photo. I noticed that Colin had his knit cap pulled down hiding his eyes. Former classmates and summer swim teammates were there with our local public high school team. I'm pretty sure he did not want to run into any of them. His shame over the past year runs deep.

 Quiz Time

Colin and his 16 year old brother also are on their NAQT ( National Academic Quiz Tournament) team and have been participating in weekend meets. Three weeks ago I drove the boys and a schoolmate up to Cleveland for a tournament. Other than the weather, things went fairly smoothly.

I took a break from the tourney to visit a favorite childhood deli. I purchased some of  the world's best corned beef and deli treats for my family as well as picked up an order for my sister. Colin remembered the deli from our last visit 19 months earlier when we were in town for my class reunion, right before our relationship went downhill.

Much to my surprise, he asked if I was going to Corky's and seemed pleased when I answered in the affirmative. Fortunately I had the foresight to go early, soon after the tournament started. The weather was snowy and the roads were starting to get a bit hazardous. I don't think I would have made the trip if I waited until the end of the day.

When I got back to the meet, I chose to follow my high school junior's team as Colin does not want me to watch him compete. The ride home took twice as long due to slippery, snowy roads and a detour around a 20-car pile-up. I was grateful to arrive home safely and that Colin was well-behaved the entire time.

Imaginary Friends

Due to a series of inclement-weather days off from school,  it would appear Colin has been spending a fair amount of time with online gaming. One recent evening, I brought the dog down the basement to check on my son. I opened the door and let the pup in only to hear my son say, "Mom. not now, I'm playing with my friends".

I stuck my head in his room to look for "imaginary friends" and found Colin seated in front of his laptop wearing his headset. I pointed to his computer and shot him a quizzical look. He nodded in the affirmative. I grabbed the dog and left. At least he was polite in front of his online buddies.

I spoke to my 16 year old to see if I needed to be concerned that his brother was spending quite a bit of time online with what appears to be total strangers. I was told no, and that I didn't need to worry. There are better ways of paedophiles targeting victims than playing "Call of Duty".

I have to trust that my son will be o.k. Things seem to be going well, at least on the surface. What lies below is anyone's guess...

As always, "We are a work-in-progress!"