Wednesday, December 4, 2013

No News

My sister called yesterday morning to report that there was no real news to report. The "observer" made her weekly visit on Monday. Colin seems to be in a holding pattern. He is neither progressing or regressing. My sister is a results-oriented person and is frustrated. I know how much worse things can get and am I am content for now.

I am trying not to look too far ahead. We will need to figure out what to do for Spring Break as Colin will be staying home. My sister and her family are going on vacation and it is far too risky to take Colin with them. She feels guilty. I keep telling her that we will figure something out and not to worry. I would be fearful that our son would ruin an expensive family trip. He does not do well in hotel rooms and would most-likely be triggered.

My husband has a meeting with the psychologist tomorrow. I need to make up a list of questions and concerns. My biggest concern is to figure out how we can start to reconcile with our son. I'd like to be able to be in the same room with him without a rage. For that matter, I'd love to be able to be in the same house without him going into hiding.

We do not understand why Colin continues his refusal to be in the same space as my husband and I. It is even more puzzling at his shunning of his brothers. I am so tired of the constant suspicions that our son must have suffered some sort of abuse. It is hard to fathom the only explanation we have: he is furious that we would not "stay out of his business" and had him hospitalized. I wish he would realize that his attack on his father is what prompted the stay at the psych hospital. He clearly has no idea of how bad his rages were.

The time apart has been healing for me. I am finally sleeping and eating regular meals. I still visit my online support groups several times a day. I scan for helpful information and try to jump into discussions when I have something to contribute. Every day I play back the past several years in my mind like a newsreel, scanning for missed signs. There is nothing that could have prepared us for the hellish summer and wild ride we are on.

One day at a time.........I will now take a deep breath and start my day.

We are a work-in-progress!

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