Breaking Down

 Post to Parent Group 9/8/13 - 7:30 a.m.

We are closer to bottoming out. We were advised  to take away electronic devices and tv until my son tries Neurofeedback. He went into a rage when he was denied playing a video game in the basement with his brother. My son has a steely resolve and is dead-set against NFB and any other treatment. He went into a rage and locked himself in the bathroom. I did the unthinkable. I took away his headphones. He had been raging for an hour or two and banging things around when he yells out to me that he doesn't need food, he'll just drink alcohol. *

That was it! I jimmied the door lock and busted in to find him holding some foot spray and a can of anti-bacterial spray. He was ready to "defend" himself against me. I took this "weapons" away and he slapped me. I reached my limit and ripped his headphones from his head. I gave them to my 15 year old to hide.

We endured hours of the most horrible hate-speech to date. After several stressful hours and the promise of not uttering a peep, he was finally given his headphones back. I hate to torture my son but we are at our wit's end. We prefer the reward system which is hard to do when my son had everything he wanted and could not be bribed. I think he slept solid all night and I am preparing for another "fun" day. We are still working on getting an appointment with a Child Psychiatrist. My son can not be reasoned with at this point.

The noise-dampening headphones have become a drug that my son is dependent on and wears them non-stop in the house. Have any of you had to take away headphones or earplugs? He is able to go out in public without them for fear of embarrassment, yet I feel like a horrible person for torturing my son.

Partial Conversation thread:

Theresa: I think you are doing the right thing.

Miso Mania Mom:  Thanks! I needed that. By the way we are enjoying a morning truce over breakfast and watching Sunday Morning on CBS

Theresa : Allright!
 

Miso Mania Mom: Kid is starting to crack. He took his headphones off for a bit and approached me with a deal. He suggested that he could leave his headphones off while having unlimited use of all electronic media. I said nothing. When our show was over, I had him turn off the t.v. He said "Mom, you never answered my question." I replied softly that he knows what I want and he is not able to discuss it. I then calmly walked away. I will not cave. I will not cave. I will not cave. Unless he is receptive to getting help, I can not compromise here..... Time to "Keep Calm and Carry On"

Jaimie:   hearing your struggles with your son scares the heck out of me as my son also struggles with miso and he is coming into puberty. But furthermore, you are really doing a great thing dealing with it while realizing this isn't something he controls. As a person with Miso for as long as I can remember, he is going to have to come to the realization that there will be situations he is going to have to grin and bear it because like any disability, there are just instances he is going to have to adjust for. Having loved ones that do understand, and having those opportunities to be in a sensory-friendly environment to de-stress afterwards is most important. This was a long-winded way of saying you are doing a fine job, and supporting him while preparing him for the outside world is exactly what he needs.

Laura: Gosh I am just so sorry you had to deal with an episode like this. All too familiar to me. My son just turned 16 a few weeks ago and this past year has taken a toll for the worse. Our voices are his worst triggers and we can no longer talk to him. We did try Neurofeedback and I felt it help keep him calmer but no change in terms of our voices lessening as triggers. We stopped after about 7 weeks and looking back, we should have continued. He didn't like it but i do feel it calmed him. We also tried Nuerontin and he doesn't like taking drugs because he is fearful of side effects so we were unable to get him on a dose high enough to potentially help. They say it is supposed to be a nerve relaxer so please do let me know if you find any relief. Things do seem to be "worse" during the height of puberty when it comes to this disability. I agree that making a deal with him might give him more of a reason to try Neuro feedback. I hope today is a better day for all of you! 

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  Additional Notes:

The hate-messages are getting more disturbing and we have gone beyond "Just crawl into a hole and die!' to adding threats of stabbing and killing us. (I've removed any sharp objects from the bathroom that could be used as a weapon but don't think he could or would hurt us... yet.) 

Colin also has been slapping himself and yelling "Stop hitting me, Mom" to make it sound like I am beating him. He also accused me of doing other horrible things while I was in another room. If anyone was at  our front door they would  think we were abusing our child. Fortunately I have a witness, my 15 year old son.  I also used Colin's camera to video tape about 10 minutes of his fit (more for sound as he was off-camera for most).  We need to have something to show doctors as he will most-likely not rage like this in front of them.

I think we are EXTREMELY close to taking my son to the hospital, although I'm not sure what good this will do.