On the way to work this morning, "Fly Like An Eagle" an old Steve Miller Band song popped into my head.
I feel like we are racing against the clock to find help for my son. The same ticking clock that fills my son with rage and anxiety. As with time, I also feel my son slipping away. We are losing him to Misophonia. The hate he has for my husband and I appears to be fairly constant now. It's been weeks since there have been any hugs or apologies after a triggered fit." Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future... "
Colin is able to have short bursts of civil conversation but if we look at him for too long and catch his glance, he starts to glare. My son narrows his eyes into a squint, as if he were focusing them to shoot laser beams. Laser beams that obliterate. Laser beams of hate.
Last night Colin had a cross country meet after school. He is doing well and tied his personal best from the week before, earning him praise from his coaches and other parents. It is amazing how he can seem so normal around others. Hubs was waiting at the finish line where our son looked content until he caught his dad's gaze. Then came the laser-beam shooting squint.
In continuing with our "Sponge Experiment", Hubs decided to leave a mouse pad on the passenger seat for the ride to school. That did not seem to help. The giant sponge made it's way into the back of my car when dad took Colin to his Tuesday evening piano lesson. The results were a bit inconclusive as our son is out of view when hiding in the back of my van. At least he was fairly calm.
We have not told our son about our experiment and dare not offer any possible coping mechanisms in fear he would summarily dismiss them.
I mentioned my blog in my Parent Support Group and offered to private message a link to anyone interested. There were a handful of moms that responded. I also emailed a few family members a link. This way I don't have to repeat myself as often. Every time I retell one of our nightmarish episodes, I re-live it to some extent. I find it therapeutic to put my stories in a blog, where I can blow off some steam and then move on.
I am hoping more parents will take up blogging and share links with me. I find this form of media easier to follow individual stories. I find myself constantly scrolling to see if I can find reference in a previous discussion before I ask a question that may require someone to repeat themselves. I also worry about sounding like a "broken record" when I repeat certain aspects of our family's story to newcomers.
Many parents expressed concern about the safety of having a blog. The truth be told, the biggest danger is that of spammers. Currently the majority of "hits" my blog is getting is from spammer sites. If you have a blog and are curious about why the sudden burst of traffic from sites like, "vampirestat.com", first Google it to see why, do not click the link to that site. Besides spammers, unless you promote your journal or make comments on other similar blogs, you won't have much of a readership. I also would advise steering clear of controversy, not sharing your full name, exact location, or where you work.
A person faces more danger on places like FaceBook where your real identity is known.
Well I'd better get to work. Time is slipping, slipping, slipping....
Time to Fly Like An Eagle!
We are a work-in-progess!