Friday, September 6, 2013


Thank goodness it's Friday!

Over the past week, I've learned to take things day by day. Colin seems to trigger more easily these days. It is a given that his older brothers' morning bathroom-routine will set him off. The noise from the bathroom fan and water running through the pipes are major irritants. The older boys and I leave the house an hour or so before my miso-child needs to leave for school. This gives Colin time to chill-out before the harrowing less-than-one-mile drive with Dad to the middle-school.

I think my husband is finally getting used to my 9:00 a.m. phone calls to make sure we had a successful "launch". I can not have another day like last Friday. My nerves can not take it. I go to work feeling anxious and with a heavy heart. I feel a great sadness knowing my child is in crisis with a deep pain he will not share. He is still in denial and we are waiting for the acceptance-phase so that we can begin to get him help with this terrible disorder.

Last night I took Alex to his piano lesson. I usually sit and watch but I opted to stay upstairs and chat with our teacher's husband. I wanted to give an update to share with his wife.  I don't know how Colin can make it to his lesson when a car ride has become such a big trigger.

My youngest brother called last night to see how things were going. We had a nice chat. Mike opened up a bit about his struggle with (undiagnosed) ADHD as a child. My brother is now being treated for ADD and Depression as an adult but wishes he could have gotten help as a child. He assured me that Colin will eventually learn to cope and would love to speak with him in person, perhaps at Thanksgiving when he comes in from Chicago to visit.

When I got off the phone with my brother, my husband was going to attempt to hook me up to the NFB equipment so I could see how it worked. My hope is that Colin can see that it is harmless, perhaps even fun, and we could arrange to have the O.T. come back to get him started on Neurofeedback treatments. Unfortunately it was getting late, my son was agitated and there was no way he would venture into the same room as us. We decided to postpone our test for one more night.

By the time I got ready for bed and came back downstairs Colin was asleep on the bathroom floor. When I peeked in, he was sleeping on some big pillows that he has not used in quite a while. Hubs explained that he found our son using his backpack for a pillow and wanted to make him more comfortable. I almost warned him not to do this but I thought I'd wait to see what happened.

Shortly after 5:00 a.m. I heard a whimper from the bathroom along with the opening and closing of the door. I got up to find the big, soft fluffy pillows in the hallway and made a mental note to tell Hubs not to do this again. I softly inquired if my son was o.k. to and he asked me to just leave him alone. I said o.k. and went back to my sofa/bed.

Needless to say, at around 6:30 a.m. when the older boys got up and started to get ready for school, the drama with triggers got into full swing.

This is getting to be a bit like the movie "Ground Hog's Day". We are a work-in-progress!

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